#I can’t read it bc I’d be too sad

[syrupfog]

(Open the readmore for context)

[deus-ex-mona]

aw yeeeeeee all ft4 5☆s get!!!!!!!!!

[sanchoyo]

while I’m hyperfixating on my own ocs I was hoping I’d have the mental energy to do 2 more mini comics like the one I posted the other day but 1. Abt the girls costumes 2. How chimera anima work in the tm2 lore (which might contradict canon, oops?? Can totally write it off as queen doing experiments on them so they work differently now I guess…) but my three week long hyper mood has exploded and fizzled out bc I woke up sick :( and now I have no energy and I’m mad abt it bc I have literally 4 wips aside from the concept of those comics which I haven’t even sketched yet and I barely have energy to do things I need to do, let alone draw ☹️

[cloudluvrrr]

Before.

boothill childhood sweetheart headcannons.

—

a/n: A PROMISE IS A PROMISE 🤞🤞🤞 and I delivered 😍💪 srry ab being mia been busy playing splatoon. My bootyhill is almost MAXXED out yall 😛😛.Boothill gives me Adrianne Lenker vibes yk I can’t be the only one help anyways enjoy this 😛 long asf and I don’t believe in proof reading.

— Precyborg: Boothill x g/n reader

tw warning : fluff and sad ending bc we can’t have a happy one according to hoyoverse !! 💕

—

ingyadar - Adrianne Lenker

my kind of women - Mac de Marco

The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy - ARTMS

-

-I feel like you and Boothill would be childhood lovers yk? Like you two were close friends and ended up catching feelings (I would too) always hanging around each other and getting into trouble l together.

-because to me he grew up in a small town with a big family (I think of like those towns in cowboy movies 😭)

-especially in highschool, but not for long. I’d think Boothill dropped out during freshman year(?) to help with his dads but you continued your studies.

-when confronted about it he scoffed and said ‘don’t need no fancy algebra or biology.’ He’d say.

-he’d see you at school (during lunch) and you two would usually hang out after school. Or during festivals or parties.

-scenario-

You two would always sneak away to the lake when it would get boring, giggling and laughing along the way. This time it was during a town festival, everyone in town went so of course no one would notice if two highschools went missing.

So off you two went giggling as you stumbled behind him holding his hand (in a platonic way ofc). “Boothill wait up!” You’d giggle as you slid down the hill. “Hurry or the sheriff will get us!” He’d shout as he helped you up, and the two of you began to splash water on each other. Up until night and his dads caught him with you again

—

-things like that would often happen, anytime one was missing they’d always assume the other would tag along

-your families of course always shipped you two. And knew eventually you’d date (spoilers you do)

- he’d confess to you on a random summer afternoon. While you two sat on his bed in his room

— you two sat on his bed looking around nervously and awkwardly. It was never like this, Boothill would usually say something but he didn’t, he’s open his mouth but nothing came out. His mouth felt dry, unable to confess. But he mustered up the courage.

‘hey.. I, uh” he began before sighing “I really.. really REALLY like you” he finished with a red face as he looked you in the eyes. As you’d giggle nervously and soon turned into a good laugh. “I really like you too Boothill” you said softly kissing his cheek. As he nearly fainted and tackled you into a hug. ‘Finally’ he’d think to himself

-

- now that you two are dating nothing much has changed. Other than kisses and leaving the door open when you two hang out (his dads are concerned about him doing funny stuff to you)

-not a day went by that you wouldn’t be with him, at his house or yours.

-he liked pet names mostly using ‘baby’ or your name.

-he knew how to play guitar they taught him in school, but he learned it on his own and would often serenade to you.

-he’d love cuddling though, in his bed specifically. Yours is too crowed for his liking. (He has one pillow). And play a few records he managed to snag that were imported from a different planet

- the sun painted the sky a pink and orange hue, as your laid in boothills arms dozing off to the soft music in the background. As he whispered sweet nothings to you and some jokes that kept you up giggling. “Your cute you know” he chuckled kissing you temple as she squeezed you

-

-an example of how you’d spend your days, other than teasing and bullying each other 😜

-he was dirt poor. So often he’d ask you for money, which would end up in you hitting his head. But giving in as long as he got you something (most of the time it was burgers 😔)

— up until your graduated, he’d always say how he wanted to leave his dads and live alone with you. So secretly (somehow I don’t know) he’d built a small house with his buddies. ( I feel like you’d move until you were like 20 ig)

-so you’d pack up everything and moved in to the small Cabin. It was small a two small rooms and bathrooms with a big enough kitchen. Also including a farm (of fucking course). Housing his horse, two cows, and a chick coop. A barn dog and cat :3

-you lived comfortably and happily, you’d stay at home and he’s venture off to help others or sell your farm goods.

-he couldn’t propose, he barely had any savings left after buying your couch. So it often got postponed, you didn’t mind (your parents did)

—

-it was a winter night. Boothill was god knows where and you worked in the kitchen making a simple stew. As your pregnant house cat meowed for a piece of beef, you were scolding the cat as Boothill entered the home with a small bundle of blankets in his arms as he closed the door. “Your home.. what’s that?” You’d asked before he walked over showing you the small girl.

“WHOS KID DID YOU KIDNAP” you shouted, startling the little who began to fuss “you idiot I found her..!” He hissed “we don’t have anything for a baby boothill, you know that” you said sighing “I know.. but I couldn’t leave her out there! That’s how my dads found me ya know, aren’t you glad they didn’t leave me to die?” He asked huffing “..sometimes” you shrugged.

—

— there began your journey as parents, you’d sew dresses and onesies for her. As well as ask both of your parents for old baby things, Boothill had a rough time setting up basically everything

‘You can build a house but not a crib’

‘Shut up nerd’

—

You stood outside putting the laundry out to dry on the clothesline. And watched from the corner of your eye the little one and Boothill. As he sat in the shade holding her small guitar he’d made for her, as she sat in the middle and giggled at the kittens playing around her. She’d grown, about 8 months and beginning to walk.

“Da” she said pointing to a certain kitten “yup that’s a kitty” he chuckled watching her gently touch the fluffy ball of fur and giggled. Eventually waddling up to him and falling into his lap as she snuggled him and fell asleep. The sight tugging at your heart strings.

-

-most of your days were spent like that, her playing with the cats. Her waddling around the home or her touching her guitar Boothill made her.

- up until that fateful day, he’d planned to propose to you before he overheard the damn ipc officers joking about burning the town. He didn’t believe it until he saw it. Everything covered in flames, making sure to leave no survivors. And all he could do was watch as the tears fell from his eyes.

- after

he’d often lay in a run down hotel room, in his own head. Admiring the cheap ring he’d finally gotten you, and one you’d never get to wear. Fiddling with it with his metal fingers as he returned it to the small box.

‘I miss you baby’

-

_ 😜😜

STREAM ARTMS 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

THIA IS CHAOTIC BUT these r my thoughts

comment like and subscribe 😘😘

I’m not ready for Ruan mei & Argenti rerun 😔💔

my requests open 🤞 look at my pinned post for rules and who I write for 😈😈

[jeonqkooks]

our beloved summer | jjk (07)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, swearing, mentions of oc's mother because we know girlie is hella traumatized, mentions of drinking, mentions of an almost physical fight, abandonment issues, jk forgets to practice safe driving for 2 seconds, and uhmmm kissing 🤫, anddd that cliffhanger? 👀 rating: 18+ (minors dni) word count: 10.8k note (1): this is the longest it has taken me to update obs and i do feel pretty guilty about that. but it's finally here now and this is one of the chapters that i'm the most nervous about posting. massive thanks to @daechwitatamic and @/wintaerbaer (edited 2024: crossed out but not removed bc even tho she plagiarized obs afterward, she did beta this for me so i guess i still gotta give her that lmfao) for beta-ing this for me or else i would've screamed cried thrown up and scrapped the whole thing, and to @jeonwiixard for being a wonderful cheerleader as i was writing this, and to everyone in my beloved obs discord server for always being so sweet and kind and putting a smile on my smile every day since the server was created. also to my sunshine ☀︎ for introducing me to the song mentioned below bc HELLO is it not just one of the most obs coded songs ever. love you all my babies <3

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist join our OBS discord server ✨

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

Somewhere in the multiverse There's a me and you that works We never fuck it up We're out there still in love Somewhere in the multiverse Maybe that's enough

multiverse - Maya Manuele ft. PEMRBOKE

Sometimes, whenever you look up at the moon at night, you wonder if Jungkook is doing the same thing.

Even when you fall out of love with someone, it still hurts. It hurts because you once loved them so much it felt like the sky would collapse if you couldn’t be with them. It hurts because the love wasn’t taken from you, but rather it started slipping away on its own, more and more each day until you realize you’re holding onto nothing when there once was everything.

You can’t say that you’re too familiar with that kind of hurt though. You’ve never fallen out of love before.

You don’t think Jungkook is too familiar with it either, at least not when he left you.

You wonder if he thinks about you from time to time and gets sad. You think he does, because you know that he loved you. Something ended for him too. The memories that you shared were his memories too.

You hope that it’s painful for him whenever thoughts of you cross his mind, because that would mean that he cares. That a part of him still cares.

And if he still cares, then he might come back.

Despite the front that you try to parade around, there is a part of you that will always leave your heart vacant for him, regardless of whether or not he would return. It’s a scary thought, one that you would rather avoid at all costs, one that says there will be no one that you love more than you loved Jungkook. Maybe there can’t be another person that you will love at all.

You can come back quietly, like the wind slipping through the crack I leave in the window at night; or you can announce your return resoundingly like a sudden downpour quenching the summer heat. I don’t care. I kept your side of the bed empty and warm, waiting for you to come back. Hoping that you would come home.

[08:47] Yoongi: sure you don’t want me to drive you there? [08:48] Yoongi: i can pick you up in 30 [08:52] You: positive 🤧 i told you i already booked the train. it’s only 4 hours away [08:53] You: i’ll survive, yoongs [08:55] Yoongi: did you not watch Train To Busan? [08:56] You: ? [08:57] Yoongi: what if there’s a zombie apocalypse [09:00] You: yoongi if there’s a zombie apocalypse, how is your CONVERTIBLE supposed to keep me safe [09:01] Yoongi: i’ll put the roof up [09:02] You: stop talking [09:02] You: please stop talking. [09:03] Yoongi: 😡😡😡 [09:03] You: 😇 [09:03] You: gotta get dressed now though. i’ll see u when i get back? :) [09:05] Yoongi: fine [09:06] Yoongi: safe travels. text me when you get there :)

You plop onto your bed with a sigh, glancing at the bag that’s already packed and sitting near your wardrobe, lonely. You stay like that for a while, contemplating whether or not you should bail at the very last minute.

It was not on your bingo card that you’d be here, agonizing over your ex-boyfriend’s brother’s wedding. Nope. Absolutely no one saw it coming.

For fuck’s sake, why would they invite you to a wedding? A celebration of love? It feels like you’re being forced onto a prank show, just waiting for someone to jump out and scream in your face.

You learned that the wedding was for close friends and family only, so it would be a relatively small event, which makes it even more confusing why you were also asked to join. Maybe the world is changing too rapidly and you’re just a little old-fashioned for it, but you really don’t understand why your ex-boyfriend’s family would want you there.

Taehyung and Jimin were invited too; they’re Jungkook’s best friends after all. They’re practically an extension of the family, Jungkook’s brothers by choice. But Taehyung doesn’t come back from his work trip until the day of the wedding, and Jimin… Well, he just doesn’t want to go to a Busan wedding in the middle of winter.

So why are you even going?

You could’ve declined. Said you couldn’t attend because the invitation came in so late. Made up a work trip or a family emergency. There’s a plethora of excuses you could’ve used.

Or you could’ve simply said no. That would’ve been perfectly fine too. No one would even need to ask why.

But maybe it was because his mother had customized the invite with her own handwriting in the back. You would’ve missed it if you hadn’t spent hours meticulously studying the card like someone was going to quiz you. It wasn’t anything special - just We hope to see you there - but you think you’d feel really bad to decline after she’d made the extra effort to ask you to come.

When you told Yoongi that you would be attending Jungkook’s brother’s wedding, he didn’t seem upset. Still cool as a cucumber. Although if he was bothered by the announcement, you don’t think he would’ve let it show. It did take him a minute to take it in, but then he just pecked your cheek and asked if you could bring a plus-one. You both knew that you wouldn’t even if that was an option.

Pushing your body off the bed, you drag yourself to the bathroom to splash some water on your face. Then sunscreen. Then change into the clothes you’d already picked out last night. Your train doesn’t leave for another hour and fifteen minutes, but you want to be there at least twenty minutes early just in case. This is one of your only good habits.

You rub your eyes when you finally haul yourself outside, thinking you must still be dreaming because what is Jungkook’s car doing here?

You blink a few times, expecting the vehicle to disappear in a puff of white smoke.

Spoiler alert: It doesn’t.

The car is in front of you, but the man is nowhere to be found.

You stand there dumbfoundedly, contemplating whether you should wait it out for a little bit to see if he’s actually here. He comes running up to you a couple minutes later, holding two paper cups in his hands, one of them a chai latte. A memory you’d buried long ago comes rushing to the surface. It’s too early for you to be feeling.

“Hi,” he says, his warm breath coming out in a huff of smoke in the crisp morning air.

“Hi?” you mutter dumbly when he trades the bag in your hand for the drink. There’s a moment where you’re genuinely baffled, wondering if this is a memory reel playing right before your eyes. This is your Jungkook, wearing that same old smile whenever he used to come bounding up your dorm building so you could walk to the library together, where he would hang out with you during your shift if he didn’t have classes. “What are you doing here?”

You don’t remember telling him what time your train was, so he’d probably badgered it out of Taehyung or Jimin somehow.

“I thought I could drive us there,” he says. “I texted you about it.”

Well, that explains it. You don’t bother with his dozens of messages anymore. “Oh, uhm, I already booked the train.”

This doesn’t seem to faze him at all. “Free cancellation up to 15 minutes before departure.” Jungkook grins, clearly eager despite your obvious reluctance. It’s too early for this, whatever the hell this is.

When you told him that you had RSVP’d yes to the invitation, he was surprised that you even knew about the wedding. He even seemed nervous that day.

“What if I’d already left?” you ask.

He blinks, then stammers like a confused child. It’s cute, and you have to mentally slap yourself over the head for even thinking that.

“Then I’d go after you.”

How? you scoff internally. Unrealistic.

Regardless, not even an hour ago, you were declining Yoongi’s offer to drive you there. Now, you’re standing here, in front of your ex-boyfriend, contemplating whether or not you should go with him.

“Let’s go,” he says after a minute. “We don’t wanna be stuck in traffic.”

“I haven’t said yes.” Yet. “It’s a 4-hour drive.”

You don’t have to clarify what you mean. He understands it.

You both just stare at each other for a moment, the tension suddenly thickening with every passing second. Four hours on the road. Four hours alone in a car with Jungkook. That’s about two hundred minutes more than you think you can handle.

It’s like he can see right through you. “Don’t think about it,” he says, voice dropping lower. “It’s just a weekend. Everything will still be here for you to think about when we get back.”

In your head, it translates to: All of our shit will still be here when we get back. You can keep being mad at me then.

You hope that’s not true. You hope that when you get back, the things that keep you up at night will simply cease to exist. That in the two days you’ll be gone, a genie will materialize and solve all your problems for you.

Either way, it’s probably for the best that you aren’t mean to him this weekend. You’re stuck with him for the next 48 hours or so; it’ll only stress you out even more if you channel all of your energy into tormenting him. Besides, you’re already the ex girlfriend who has no place alongside his family. You don’t want to be the dark cloud raining on everyone’s parade too.

Maybe you’d already made up your mind when you let him take the bag from you.

For the first half of the drive, you were unconscious.

It’s a useless superpower that you have, the ability to fall asleep anywhere - literally anywhere, including in the passenger seat of your ex-boyfriend’s car while he escorts you to his hometown. Melatonin gummies manufacturers hate you.

You could’ve slept the whole drive, but around the second hour mark, you were startled awake when your body jostled forward, straining against your seatbelt uncomfortably. There was an arm trying to hold you back, despite the seatbelt having done its job well.

“Fuck,” Jungkook curses before he turns toward you, worry written all over his face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, are you okay?”

You blink, still half asleep. “I’m okay,” you say. The minivan that Jungkook almost rear-ended continues on its merry way, carrying what seems to be a family of five. “What happened?”

He sighs, his outstretched arm retreating back to his side. “I got a bit distracted, that’s all.”

You take in your surroundings then. There’s barely any other cars in sight, no tacky billboard that sticks out like a sore thumb to catch your attention. There’s just the freeway, stretching on empty for all you can see.

“By what?” you ask.

“Nothing,” he says. “Go back to sleep. I’ll wake you when we get there.”

See, you have the superpower of falling asleep anywhere and everywhere, but once you’ve been woken up, it’s not as easy to fall back asleep.

That, and the fact that you’re hungry as shit.

You open your mouth, about to say no, about to offer to drive the rest of the way if Jungkook is tired, but your stomach doesn’t let you get a word out. It growls, filling the space of the car, making you want to chuck yourself out the fucking window and run all the way back to the city. This wouldn’t have happened had you taken the train, because if you had, there would’ve been food services and no one would be subject to hearing your stomach sing like it’s chewing out a small puppy in there. Life is nothing but an endless pit of embarrassment and despair.

Your arms hold themselves tighter around your frame, practically squeezing into your abdomen as you will it to please, please, please be quiet. Jungkook stares at you, and you can tell by the teeny tiny quirk of his lips that he’s trying to bite back a smile. He’s relaxed, but there’s still something hesitant on his face. It takes him a minute before he finally throws the question out.

“Do you want to go to that guksu place that we used-” that we used to go to, “you know the place. The one that’s right off the freeway?”

The sun is out today. The sky unfolds endlessly just outside the window, coloring blue everything your eyes land on. There are strips of clouds scattered here and there, like delicate strokes of white paint on an azure canvas. Even the winter cold has to soften.You bite into your cheek. Don’t think, that’s what he had told you.

Not much about this quaint restaurant has changed. The quirky decorations are still where they used to be, the windows still the same unique stained glass that you never came across anywhere else. You remember the elderly woman who runs the place, even if she doesn’t have a single clue who you are. The golden retriever you used to fawn over every time you stopped by, sits quietly by the door and watches the cars pass by, his fur now graying as weariness begins to settle into those old bones.

You would’ve been displeased if the place had changed, because, well, you don’t like change. But then again, this familiarity is dangerous. It tricks you into thinking that everything is still the same, even you and him. Deludes you into believing that you’re still in love and that he’ll walk out of here holding your hand.

Regardless, the first spoonful has you biting back a smile.

“How is it?” Jungkook asks.

It makes you feel all warm inside, and then a little sad, nostalgic.

“Tastes just the same,” you tell him simply.

“Hmm.”

He lets you satisfy your hunger in peace. It’s the least he can do anyway.

There’s a wall near the back of the restaurant, where people could hang polaroids of themselves and cute handwritten notes. You think if you dig through the hundreds of photos scattered across the space, you might be able to find you and Jungkook there, if you two haven’t already been thrown out long ago to make room for new memories.

He pays for your food after you’re both finished, despite some protesting on your side. As you leave, you’re busy thinking that if you could have a moment to marvel at that far-back wall of memories, if you could find a photo of you and him there, you would probably sneak it into your coat pocket.

It’d be another thing to add to your pile of Jungkook memorabilia - the old clothes in the back of your closet, the stack of dusty polaroids at the bottom of your drawer. You wonder if he keeps anything of yours, maybe an old t-shirt that you forgot to take back. It’s probably unlikely, but a girl can hope.

You miss the way Jungkook glances back, thinking the exact same thing.

You survive the rest of the drive with more ease, probably because of the food. You spend most of the remaining 2 hours leaning against the window, humming to the radio, closing your eyes but not really sleeping. You even forget to be nervous about what is to come.

That is, until the car pulls up to the venue.

It’s absolutely gorgeous, and a lot bigger than you imagined - a modern beach house overlooking the waters. It’s not as extravagant as one would expect to see when they come to a wedding, but considering the small crowd in attendance, this is more than enough. You see people rush in and out of the place even from far away - planners, caterers, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, probably.

You feel a bit comforted just watching this. His family seems to be doing a lot better than before. It’s nice to know.

You barely make it out of the car before someone calls your name, and pulls you into a hug that knocks the wind out of you. Although, when you catch the scent of her hair, you instantly know who it is.

Parents usually have a scent that’s distinct to only their kids, a scent so cozy and homely that no perfume can ever mask. You can only describe your mom’s scent with a feeling, specifically the feeling of your chest tightening, tingling with a bittersweetness that you never found elsewhere. 

Strangely enough, Jungkook’s mother has always made you feel the opposite. She makes you feel relieved to be in her embrace, like she accepts you for who you are even if all you are to her, at the end of the day, is a stranger.

You hug her back awkwardly, hesitantly, in front of Jungkook’s dad, his brother Junghyun, and a girl you don’t know. You assume that she’s the bride-to-be, the main character whom this weekend revolves around. Sooji, you remember that was the name on the wedding invitation.

You get choked up suddenly, eyes turning glassy though you quickly blink it away. You’re not sure if you’ve had someone be so happy to see you. Bypassers might even think that you just found the cure for cancer.

For a second there, you wonder if your mere presence has ever made your mother this overjoyed.

You look at Jungkook for help, silently asking him to rescue you. Who else are you supposed to turn to if not him?

He understands that look. “Okay, mom,” he says, entangling her arms from you with ease, “Y/N’s tired from the drive. Let’s let her rest, yeah? I’ll show her the room.”

She ignores her son. “Honey,” she says, brushing your hair away from your face so she could see you better. “Thank you for coming.” She used to insist that you call her “mom”, or at least by her first name because “Mrs. Jeon” was too formal for someone she considered family.

You now have to opt for the latter, because “mom” isn’t an option for you anymore.

“Thank you for inviting me, Mrs. Jeon,” you tell her with a smile. You’re not really sure what else to say, but it makes you a little sad just calling her that.

She opens her mouth before closing it again, seemingly about to jokingly scold you for the formality before she recognizes the bittersweet look in your eyes. She just smiles at you then. There’s not much to be done about it.

You don’t know if anyone else sees how the moment is weighed down. Probably not. Maybe it’s just you and her who share this sentiment.

Jungkook doesn’t wait for his mom anymore. Sons, typical. He wedges himself between the two of you like a bulldozer and leads you inside the house. 

Even though all you have is an overnight bag, Jungkook carries it for you all the way up to your room, which is only down the hall from his. Then he disappears pretty quickly afterward, saying something about his best man duties and putting out fires. He seems apologetic as he tells you this, but it’s not like you’re expecting him to babysit you all weekend.

You bore yourself to death in your room for a while, before you remember you have to text Yoongi to let him know you got here safely. Though, you stop short of telling him that it was Jungkook who drove you here. It’s trivial enough, right? You don’t want Yoongi to feel bad over nothing. You do, however, inform Taehyung and Jimin when you text them about it, to which Jimin only responds with a preemptively disapproving ‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.’

When you get too stir-crazy, you wander outside, hoping to explore the beach before it gets dark and colder. You try to stay out of everyone’s way, because a good guest is a quiet guest. You seem to be doing a good job. No one notices you, not even Jungkook’s mom but that’s because she’s the person you actively want to avoid the most. You don’t know what you’d even say to her if she gets you alone.

Everything is hectic, as one can probably imagine when it comes to wedding preparations. You haven’t had anyone close to you get married yet, so it’s safe to say that you’re pretty much clueless about all of this. You wonder what it’ll be like when your big day comes around, if you even ever get married. You haven’t thought about it in a long time. Why would you? You don’t really have a reason to think about this. It’s much easier to picture Taehyung’s or Jimin’s wedding day than your own.

Your opinion on having kids still remains the same, and you were never one of those girls who daydreamed about having a big and extravagant wedding, but it’s not such a bad idea to ponder about. You still think marriage is a scary thing - it’s one of the biggest commitments a person could ever make - but you’re not entirely opposed to getting married. 

Why are you even mulling over this? Your time might never even come.

When you round the corner to get the steps that would lead you down to the beach, you run into Sooji and a woman holding a thick binder - must be a wedding planner. You give Jungkook’s future sister-in-law an awkward smile in greeting, which she returns much more gracefully before she tells the woman that she’ll be with her in a minute.

So now you’re stuck here, about to make small talk with a person you have never met before, and will likely never see again. Great. 

“Hi,” you say, extending a hand. “I haven’t had the chance to introduce myself. I’m Y/N.”

“I’m Sooji,” she replies warmly as she shakes your hand, and you have to stop yourself from being a little weirdo and thinking about how silky her hair looks up close. “You’re Jungkook’s… friend, right?”

You purse your lips before nodding with a chuckle. The pause tells you that she knows, and you wouldn’t be surprised if she’s uncomfortable having you here. 

“I’m sorry if this is weird. You probably don’t want a complete stranger at your wedding.”

Sooji shakes her head instantly, waving her hands around to dismiss your apology. “Please, it’s totally fine. Junghyun’s mom talked to me about it before we sent out the invites. I wouldn’t have agreed if I was really bothered. Don’t worry about it, seriously.”

“Why did you agree?” you ask, trying to sound as polite as possible. “You don’t know who I am.”

“I guess I was curious.” She shrugs, before laughing lightly as she says, “I used to think you weren’t real.”

“Huh?”

“She talks about you constantly. Never in front of Jungkook, of course. But she’s really fond of you, and you probably already know that doesn’t happen very often. She really does see you like a daughter. She made you sound too good to be true.”

You’re not sure how to respond to that. His mom still thinks about you, still talks about you after all this time. You’re just his ex-girlfriend, but she considers you her family. You don’t know what to do with this information nor the way it pinches your heart.

“I-” You purse your lips, fumbling with the responses in your head. You settle on a light laugh, because Sooji can probably tell that you’re struggling with the words too. “I have to be honest. I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I just thought you should know that you’re still very much loved here.” She gives you a kind smile, and it looks like she wants to tell you something else but decides against it in the end. Sooji’s eyes land somewhere behind you before she points in that general direction. “I have to go take care of an issue with the flowers, but look, Jungkook is here. Why don’t you ask him to show you around?”

And then she’s already off. Overall, what a… strange interaction.

You turn around to see Jungkook standing near one of the entrances to the house. As you watch him talk to someone - a bridesmaid, you assume, or just one of the other guests - you try not to think about the fact that there’s a stirring sensation in your stomach, and that it only intensifies when she throws her head back in a pretty laugh, a perfectly manicured hand landing on his arm like he’s the most charming person she’s ever met. 

You don’t give it a name, don’t label it green in color even though you’re blue and he’s golden sunshine. You don’t acknowledge that it’s a feeling, because doing so would make it real and there are certain truths that you’d rather delude yourself into thinking are lies.

When Jungkook’s eyes catch yours and he cuts off the woman mid-sentence with a curt excuse me, you don’t acknowledge that feeling either, but it’s warm and it blooms in your chest as he makes his way to you. It’s something victorious, something that tickles your ribs.

He comes to you like you’re a destination he’s been waiting all his life to reach, and you certainly, adamantly don’t acknowledge the spectacularly dizzying feeling that swallows you whole when he places a gentle hand on your arm, his voice soft as he says, “There you are. I was looking for you.”

The familiarity, it’s catastrophic.

“I was just walking around,” you tell him. “There’s not a lot to do here. I was bored.”

“You have me,” he says. Probably not in that way, but you’d like to think that’s how he means it. “I don’t have any more fires to put out. What do you want to do now?”

You glance over your surroundings, still set on your original plans. You wanted to go alone, but you suppose you can let him accompany you. You check the time on your phone before asking, “Can we go down to the beach? I wanna see if we can catch the sunset.”

You used to do this whenever you came here to visit - walk along the beach, hand in hand, sunlight in your hair and the cool breeze holding you tight in the afterglow.

The keyword here is “used to”. Now, you have to stuff your hands in your pockets just so you don’t reach for him every time you shiver.

It’s late enough in the afternoon for you to see the moon faintly shine against a blue and orange backdrop. Sun and moon, together in the same frame. It feels symbolic somehow. You’re not really sure.

“The moon looks like an egg,” Jungkook observes astutely, taking casual strides next to you. It makes you burst into easy laughter, which makes him laugh with you too. You stop walking when you reach what you think is a good spot to watch the sky. 

“Let’s sit here for a bit,” you say. It’s not the greatest idea - sitting idly by would only make you colder - but you just want to stop and look at the sunset. Once you’re seated in the sand, you respond to his moon remark, “That’s true, y’know. NASA said so.”

“Yeah,” he says, settling down beside you, “you made me read that.”

You’d forgotten about it, and you didn’t think that he’d remember. It’s freezing cold and the moon looks like an egg, but you’re not thinking, and you feel safe. Nothing can hurt you here, or at least that’s what you’d like to tell yourself.

You wrap your arms around yourself to keep from shivering, but you still shiver anyways.

“Are you cold?” he asks.

“A little,” you admit. “I should’ve worn a thicker sweater. But it’s o-”

He doesn’t let you finish the sentence, just smoothly takes off his jacket to put it around your shoulders.

You put your hands atop his to stop him. When you touch him, there’s an electric tingle that almost makes you flinch. He feels warm, still resembling a human furnace. 

“No, you don’t have t-”

“Take the jacket, Y/N,” he says. “It’s just a jacket.”

The jacket smells like him. It only makes you want to crawl further into the warmth.

He seems more self-assured here, that’s what you notice. More like the version of himself that he used to be. Confident, sometimes borderline cocky. Annoying but oddly endearing, you came to love that about him.

His relaxed demeanor is understandable. You’re merely a visitor here, while this is his homeground. 

“I’m curious about something,” he says after a while.

“Okay.”

“What’s the deal with Wednesdays?” he asks. 

“You know how they say bad things come in threes?” You purse your lips, thinking it over, feeling something bitter in your mouth as you recall the events that led to this. “My parents got divorced on a Wednesday. I moved out of mom’s house on a Wednesday. And…” You hold your knees close to your chest as you hesitate to utter this last part, “we broke up on a Wednesday.”

You see the exact moment Jungkook mentally slaps himself, paling a couple shades as he tongues his cheek, not expecting his question to inadvertently lead back to this. It wasn’t your intention to guilt trip him. It was true that he dumped you on a Wednesday, but you don’t want the mood to turn sour, to have to mull over this again. Like he said, it will still be there for you to worry about when you get back. You’re not looking forward to returning to a shitshow, but what you’d hate even more is to tarnish the memories of this place just because you can’t keep from being vindictive for not even a weekend.

“I was born on a Wednesday too, so I guess bad things come in fours sometimes,” you continue, chuckling to yourself humorlessly.

A frown appears on his face almost instantaneously. “What is that supposed to mean?”

You shrug. Jungkook turns his body toward you, which makes you spare him a glance before you return your gaze to the horizon. His face is so serious that it’s almost funny. “Y/N,” he presses. “Why would you say that?”

“C’mon, it’s a joke. I was just being self-deprecating. Lighten up.”

“Why are you talking like that?”

“Like what? Contrary to popular belief, I don’t walk around with a thundercloud over my head all the time,” you laugh lightly. “I figured if there was a day to be nice to you, it should be today. And tomorrow, I guess.”

“This is you being nice?”

Funny how just a few weeks ago, you were fighting with him and calling him a hypocrite. Now, you’re sitting together, watching the sun set, trying not to be mean to him.

“I’m not picking a fight with you,” you say. “This is nice enough.”

“It’s not even my wedding.”

“Okay.” You glance at him again, letting words flow without a single thought. “I’ll be even nicer to you on your wedding day then.”

You don’t know where that even came from, but something aches the very second the words leave your mouth. The thought of him getting married one day makes you just nauseous, even though you always knew that it was a possibility. It might even be inevitable.

You clear your throat, waving the sullen feeling away. Your body shivers then, even after the added warmth of his jacket. Maybe you’re not shivering because of the cold anymore.

He doesn’t say anything, but you can feel his eyes linger on the side of your face. The both of you keep tiptoeing around an elephant that follows you wherever you go. 

You hug your knees close to your chest, watching the blue sky melt into the golden horizon, splattered with ribbons of cotton candy clouds.

You want to scooch closer to him and have him wrap his arm around your shoulders. This isn’t the spot where you used to draw your names in the sand, enveloped in a giant heart like two lovesick kids, but wouldn’t it be nice to imagine that it is?

“I was always really happy here,” you mumble to yourself.

You were, truly. This city was your pocket of hope, your piece of peace.

Being here brings back so many memories.

It’s the same feeling you get every time you pass by somewhere you used to live. The nostalgia of walking down the same road you used to walk every day until your shoes wore out. The familiarity of your surroundings. The bittersweetness of looking into a past you cannot hold anymore, of remembering the person you were at a certain period in your life, of knowing the things you do now that you didn’t back then.

You long for things you cannot change.

Nostalgia only grows stronger with time, you can always count on that.

He hums in agreement, before admitting quietly, “I miss you.” One pulls, the other pushes. The water wavers, like it’s touched by his words, simple but earnest. You’re touched too, somewhere in your heart, where you know you should be writing someone else’s name now.

Should?

“You’re pushing it,” you say softly.

“I know.”

You look at him. Maybe it’s because you’re back in the city that holds only good memories of you two. Maybe you’re hypnotized by the way the pink and purple hues kiss his side profile, making him feel like a fever dream and not someone you loved. Maybe it’s the cold, making you yearn for any source of warmth. But instead of returning his sentiment, you say, “It’ll pass.”

He meets your eyes. There’s something pleading in his gaze. All things pass eventually. Time moves forward, people move on. Bad things will pass sooner or later. Your worst heartbreak, your most arduous trials, your saddest moments, they will all pass.

And good things… good things will have to pass too, whether you like it or not.

Your fingers twitch from where they’re still holding onto your body. You itch to reach for his hand. You don’t tell him what he wants to hear, even though here’s a part of you that wants to say it back. In a better world, you would be telling him I love you too, instead of having to suppress an I miss you too.

“All things have to pass eventually. This will too.”

[20:05] Taebear 🐻: we could go to that bar near the gallery. Y/N likes the cocktails there [20:06] Mimi 🐥: kay kay [20:06] Mimi 🐥: soooooo next friday? [20:09] Mimi 🐥: why is y/n reading our messages. shouldn’t she be at dinner [20:09] You: i approve of the bar choice [20:11] You: if you didn’t want me reading your messages, you shouldn’t have sent them to the gc [20:11] You: and if you must know, i’m skipping dinner. i’m avoiding Jungkook’s mom [20:12] Mimi 🐥: understandable. i figured you would do that [20:13] Mimi 🐥: how’s it going? are we regretting going yet? i told you to just stay home and we could binge watch the office together [20:15] You: and EYE told you that you could be a good friend and go to this wedding with me but nooooo baby doesn’t like the cold [20:16] You: you could’ve visited your parents while you’re here you know. two birds with one stone [20:18] Mimi 🐥: babes my parents stayed with me for a whole month last month. i reached my quota for family face time  [20:19] You: son and friend of the year 👏 [20:20] Mimi 🐥: 😎😎😎😘

[20:22] Taebear 🐻: hey [20:23] You: uh oh. am i in trouble? why is this not in the gc? [20:25] Taebear 🐻: lol shut up [20:26] Taebear 🐻: you okay? [20:28] You: feels like that could’ve been a perfectly good question to ask in the gc [20:29] Taebear 🐻: because it’s a serious question and we both know Jimin can’t be serious for one minute to save his life [20:32] You: why does it have to be a serious question? 🤪 [20:32] Taebear 🐻: 😕 [20:33] You: stop pouting. i’m fine [20:35] Taebear 🐻: are you? [20:36] You: i am! you don’t have to go all mama bear on me [20:39] Taebear 🐻: ha ha ha. you’re so funny [20:40] Taebear 🐻: want me to call you? [20:42] You: i said i’m fiiiiiine 🙄 [20:43] You: but also no because i told everyone i was tired and i’m pretending to be asleep in my room right now [20:43] Taebear 🐻: okay [20:43] Taebear 🐻: did you eat something at least? [20:44] You: i have a cup ramen in my room [20:45] Taebear 🐻: okay [20:46] Taebear 🐻: how was today? did JK make you wanna strangle him? [20:48] You: okay Kim Taehyung at least act like you have some faith in your friend lol [20:50] You: but mmmmmm it was ok. he was mostly behaving himself [20:51] Taebear 🐻: mostly? [20:54] You: we were down at the beach and he just told me he missed me out of the blue [20:55] You: Mimi is asking why no one is replying to him  [20:57] Taebear 🐻: i can see that [20:58] Taebear 🐻: what did you tell JK? [21:01] You: i quoted fleabag to him [21:09] Taebear 🐻: i had to google that [21:10] Taebear 🐻: i still don’t know what that means [21:11] You: i know you don’t lol. you’re adorable [21:11] You: i’ll tell you when i get back.  [21:13] You: ok bye i have to sleep early or i’ll look like ass in the morning [21:14] Taebear 🐻: oh. okay [21:15] Taebear 🐻: sleep tight. remember not to gorge yourself on booze tomorrow [21:17] You: thanks for the reminder. love you mom 🙄💕 [21:17] Taebear 🐻: :) [21:20] Taebear 🐻: you won’t look like ass btw

You clocked out right after you told Taehyung that you would. It wasn’t a peaceful sleep though. The anxiety simmering in your belly woke you up a few times throughout the night. You don’t even know why you were anxious. It’s not like you were the one who was about to walk down the aisle.

When morning finally came and you managed to untangle yourself from the surprising comfort of your familiar bed, you practically dragged your feet for the subsequent two hours, trying to get ready. As if that would actually slow down the passage of time.

You had to compartmentalize the things you needed to do in a mental checklist. Makeup. Hair. Dress. Stare at yourself in the mirror for half an hour and internally freak out while waiting for Jungkook to come get you from your room.

Now you’re sitting in the wedding hall, watching people filter into the room. It’s not even a lot of people, but you’re still overwhelmed regardless.

You feel so exposed, even though he’s the only one looking at you in this room of strangers. He’s been looking at you like that ever since he first saw you this morning, in a dress that you got just days before the wedding. You still don’t know if it’s entirely appropriate for your ex-boyfriend’s brother’s wedding - maybe a bit revealing - but it was the only one you could find on such short notice.

When you tried on the dress for Taehyung and Jimin a few days ago, Taehyung said you looked beautiful. Jimin said you looked decent, “six point five out of ten,” which translated to “pretty nice” in Jimin-lingo. That would’ve been enough if you were going to any other wedding, not one where Jungkook would also be attending.

You had wanted him to see you and regret ever leaving you.

It was a silly thought, just a tad adolescent.

You had wanted him to see you in your dress and be consumed with thoughts of you until he couldn’t even see straight. To be the only thing on his mind, you didn’t think it was a lot to ask for.

That was before he told you not to think about it and you’d been convinced to just go with the flow just for two days. It was before he actually did see you earlier today in your dress - a simple midnight blue satin cowl neck with a slit in the thigh - but you were the one rendered helpless and speechless. He had stared at you for a minute when he came to walk you down from your room, then he’d said, all breathless even though both of you were just standing there, “You’re beautiful.”

You’re beautiful, not You look beautiful.

You don’t know why, but you appreciated it.

It made your cheeks burn underneath your artificial rosy blush. Stupid, you thought to yourself when you two made your way to the main hall. Stupid for letting yourself get dizzy because of a single compliment from him.

You’re seated with his parents, which makes sense because you don’t know anybody here except for them. Well, maybe you know one of his cousins whose kid you and Jungkook used to babysit whenever their family was in the city, but you doubt that he even remembers you anymore.

When the ceremony begins, your heart instantly feels like it’s about to drop to the pit of your stomach.

You can’t lie to yourself. It stings.

It stings just sitting here next to his parents like a daughter-in-law, like a member of their family, watching his brother solidify his happy ending.

It stings that Jungkook is standing up there, looking as handsome as ever, but his eyes aren’t on the couple. They keep flickering to you no matter how much you try to pretend that they don’t.

It stings that even though you don’t think about marriage often - or maybe you just don’t allow yourself to - you can’t deny that the thought does cross your mind from time to time. Any time that you’d wander the corridors inside your head, you’d pass the doors that you keep unopened on purpose but there’s always that one door marked with a bright red X that you can never sidestep.

You watch Junghyun and Sooji with their teary smiles and shaky hands, shaky but happy. There’s a sudden clarity that this could’ve been you and him in another life. Forever is a lie, but you would’ve perjured yourself a thousand times for him. I do - you would’ve meant it.

You imagine yourself in Sooji’s place, and Jungkook, standing right on the other side, holding both your hands in his. A beautiful and radiant bride terrified of the altar. A dashing groom with a smile that could rival the sun and shoulders weighing heavier than he lets on.

It would’ve looked clumsy, but it could’ve been right.

You wonder if he’s wondering the same thing. Maybe he is. You hope he is.

When the ceremony ends with a kiss shared between the newlyweds, you wipe away the tears that well up in your eyes. The people around you do the same thing, but they’re doing it for the right reason, out of genuine joy for the happy couple. You don’t think you can say the same for yourself.

Some of the bridesmaids fawn over him. It’s reasonable, you suppose. One tends to do that in the presence of Jeon Jungkook.

You watch as they come up to him one by one to ask him to dance, watch as he politely declines until they’re all stalking away with similar pouts on their faces. You watch him until his eyes lock on you, sitting at a table near the back, nursing a glass of champagne.

He weaves himself with ease through the people making their way to the dance floor. When he’s in front of you, he holds out a hand.

“Dance with me?” he asks, his doe eyes working overtime to lure you in with their sparkles, though you’d rather stay here where you can easily go unnoticed until the night ends. “One song?”

“I don’t know how,” you say, even as you’re taking his hand and standing up.

“I showed you how, remember?”

“That was a long time ago.”

He squeezes you reassuringly. “Just follow my lead,” he says, walking the both of you to the floor. “C’mon.”

Once the music starts, your heels stomp on his feet at least three times before you start finding the beat to move along to. Muscle memory, or whatever, is bullshit. You remember absolutely nothing of what he showed you.

You’re grateful that the song is slow, because it makes it easier for you to follow the beat with your two left feet. He takes one of your hands in his, the other settling on the small of your back, guiding you to move in a steady rhythm.

You feel his mother’s eyes on the two of you, because she must be somewhere nearby, watching you like a hawk. You feel his gaze on your face while you keep yours on the knot of his tie, just trying to keep your composure and to not step on his feet with your heels.

The blur of white that you catch from the periphery of your vision makes you turn your head. Sooji and Junghyun are close by, swaying together slowly to the soft music, both of them glowing with happiness. She must sense your eyes on her, because she lifts her gaze up to meet yours. She smiles at the sight of you and Jungkook, and you smile back, because you don’t know how else to respond to that.

You don’t say it, but you do think it. Your fingers tighten around his hand ever so slightly.

Could that have been us?

If the answer is yes, then it would hurt.

If the answer is no, then it would hurt.

The point of your story is that it’s painful however you choose to look at it. There’s no other way to frame it. It’s just painful, because you’re never going to get any of it back.

You bite your lip, then turn away from the happy couple but you still don’t look at Jungkook. You look at your hand in his, and that’s when you see it.

“How’d you get that?” you ask, gently tracing the inch of slightly raised skin on his knuckles. You never noticed the scar until now.

“It was four years ago, I think? After Taehyung and I almost got into a fight, I went outside and… punched a wall,” he says, wincing as he recalls the memory.

His answer takes you aback. “You and Taehyung got into a fight?”

“Almost,” he corrects. “It was a long time ago. Didn’t they tell you?”

“No, they didn’t say anything. What happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“If it was really nothing, you wouldn’t have punched a wall.” You frown. It makes you miss a few beats, but the song isn’t what’s important now, even if Jungkook is still trying to steer you back into the dance. “Taehyung isn’t violent. You aren’t violent.”

“I’m serious,” he says finally. “It’s nothing. We were just drunk and stupid.”

You know there must be more to it, that something must have happened or been said to trigger such a reaction from both of them. But you also know that you won’t probably get anything out of Jungkook if he doesn’t want to tell you.

You give up, for now. “Fine. If you say so.”  You’ll just have to weasel it out of Jimin later.

The song comes to an end, before another one comes on. If Jungkook remembers that he only asked for one song, maybe he’s counting his blessings that you’re still here and dancing with him, because he doesn’t mention it.

For some reason, you pull your hand away from his, only to slide up his shoulder to lock both of your hands behind his neck. He seems surprised, but he does the same around your waist.

Jungkook’s gaze flickers to your lips briefly, then back to your eyes again. You find yourself doing the same and wonder what he tastes like after all the time you’ve been apart. Is he still as sweet as you remember? You used to tease that it was because of the excessive sugar he put in everything, but you knew it was really just him. The few inches between you are so inviting that it’s practically tempting you to close the gap. You could, easily in fact. Blame it on one too many glasses of champagne later if you want.

He looks younger like this, like the boy you loved, starry eyes and dimpled smile. His shoulders are always the most comfortable resting place, the crook of his neck your long lost home. This is nice, you think, to see him again even though it feels like a fever dream. Memories of your first date, your first kiss, come to life before your eyes so realistically that you could almost touch them.

Loved? That sounds funny to you.

The people you used to be, souls wrapped in innocence, when the world was nothing but the arms of the person you loved. You reach out, and the memories quickly fade from view. The only trace they leave behind is a speck of gold on your fingertips, a memento of charming naiveté for you to tuck neatly away in the corner of your mind, but also a reminder that ah, they only exist in the locket of your heart now. Because he has changed, and you think you must have too. Life, as they say, goes on.

“We made it. Kind of. That’s crazy,” you find yourself saying.

“Did we?”

“You don’t think so?” you chuckle. “We’re in a group chat with the Kim Seokjin who spams it with bad jokes on a daily basis. I’d call that a win.”

That makes him laugh. “If you put it like that, yeah, maybe. Sure.”

Other people might be fooled, but it doesn’t sound at all convincing to you. The light doesn’t really reach his eyes. You bite the inside of your cheek, thinking of how to translate the sudden poignant turn of the moment.

“It isn’t everything you hoped it’d be?” you ask.

His shoulders rise then fall quickly in a second-long shrug. “I thought it would make me feel more… fulfilled. But it doesn’t. Not really.”

The way he says it and the way he’s looking at you makes your heart dive. You understand what he means. You’re good at what you do, and you don’t need reassurance from anyone to recognize that. But sometimes, it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Doesn’t feel like it’s real, like it’s validated.

When you landed your first big project, even before Yoongi, you were so proud of yourself. You were bursting with excitement but you weren’t happy, and you knew what the reason was. Something was missing that couldn’t be filled, not even with all your friends’ hundreds of messages of encouragement. 

It’s beyond stupid, this feeling like your wins amount to nothing at all just because of one person. You wanted him there to celebrate every achievement with you and he wasn’t, and the milestones seemed incomplete without the presence of him. It doesn’t feel like you’ve accomplished anything because this always used to be a dream you thought you’d make come true together.

“It’s lonely,” he concludes.

It sounds like he feels the same way, like he wanted you to be there too.

He suddenly holds you tighter than you think he needs to, like he’s afraid to let go of you. You imagine that he doesn’t want to let go of you, and it makes you feel better for a second. But it doesn’t change the fact that he still did in the end. And he will have to when this ends.

What was the point of this? Why did he bring this upon yourselves when he seems to be as hurt as you are? All of this time, all of these years, lost to what? You could’ve been happy together but instead, you were both lost and miserable.

When the music stops - you lost count of how many songs it’s been - you pull away from him. He looks disappointed, maybe even a little hurt for some reason.

“I’m gonna get some air,” you say, already turning away from him.

“Y/N-”

“I need some air.” Then you’re weaving through the dancing couples despite Jungkook calling your name. How did he manage it? How did he not look back when you called out for him?

You hastily grab your coat on the way out. It’s not going to keep you warm, but that’s not something you’re even remotely concerned with.

It’s everywhere, you feel it down to your bones.

The wind wraps itself tightly around you, intertwining in your hair, slipping through the cracks of your fingers, caressing your face in a chilling touch. You greet the cold like a long lost sister, shivering violently with nostalgia. It was there for you more than your own flesh and blood.

Is that why you like the sea at night? Because it reminds you of mom?

It’s dark out here, barely anything is visible except for a lighthouse sending out light in the quiet of the night. You can’t see much, but you can certainly hear it. You’re not sure if the music is coming from inside the venue, or if it’s still ringing in your ears. It’s probably the latter; you’re too far away to be able to catch the music anyway. But regardless, the tune is quickly drowned out by the sea.

The waves crash violently against the shore like it’s out for blood. There’s a magnetic pull, as if it’s calling out for you. You want to go to it, to reach out and feel the cold outside of your body for once, but you stay there despite your legs itching to stand up and run straight ahead. Into the water and down under.

You could lie down and close your eyes for a moment. The sound of the water, as sharp and brutal as it is, nurtures a part of you somehow.

You just want to be alone. You don’t want to talk to Taehyung, or Jimin, or even Yoongi.

Oh.

Yoongi.

It’s a terrible feeling, knowing that you’re going to hurt Yoongi. Knowing that you’re going to kill this even before it has a chance to truly begin.

Truth be told, you can’t envision a future with Yoongi. There isn’t anything wrong with him, because he’s not the problem here. Yoongi is fun, he’s considerate, he keeps things light on purpose for you, until you’re ready to initiate something more serious. He’s good for you, even Taehyung thinks so.

But you can’t love Yoongi, not in the way that he wants you to. Not more than you love Jungkook.

There you go. Ruining things again.

Did you ruin Jungkook? Is that what happened?

The layers on you are no match for the sea at night. The wind hisses relentlessly, biting at any part of your skin that’s exposed.

It takes you back to that night. Almost everything does, actually.

Maybe that’s why you never even stopped to consider starting anything with anyone, because it always ends. If there’s a beginning, then there will be an inevitable ending. Love isn’t made to last and you aren’t meant to carry love with you. You’ve been abandoned twice. If it happens a third time, it’s a pattern, and then your hypothesis will only be proven. That the problem here is you.

You’d be lying if you said you haven’t wondered when it’ll finally be Taehyung’s turn to leave. He eventually will, right? That one’s gonna hurt.

Then, you’re startled when someone calls your name.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asks. The wind and the waves masked the sound of his footsteps walking up to you. When you turn around to face him, his eyes grow worried, almost panicked. “Why are you crying?”

You breathe out irritatedly before you hastily wipe at your cheeks. You didn’t even realize that you’d been crying. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine,” you say, though you both know it’s a lie. “I’m just tired. I’m going up to my room.”

He catches your wrist in a firm grip when you try to walk away. You wish he’d just leave you alone, but you knew he wouldn’t drop it just like that.

“I said I’m fine,” you insist.

“You were crying,” he says. “Did I do something wrong?”

He didn’t, at least not tonight.

God, you really don’t want to do this right now.

“Jungkook,” you warn. “Let go of me.”

You try to free yourself from his grip, hoping that he’ll get the hint and back off for now. Instead, he pulls you into his chest, where you struggle to escape from his hold until you realize your efforts are futile. He takes the wind’s place, wound tightly around you, so tightly that it’s nearly impossible for you to move.

You hiss out his name, but he doesn’t budge. 

“Jungkook, can you just- Fuck!”

Damn him.

You realize he’s not giving up, which in turn makes you give up struggling, hoping that if you let this be a moment, then it’ll be something that can pass.

You’re just standing there, letting him hold you, letting yourself be held by the person who broke you in the first place. This feels exactly like where you’re supposed to be - in his arms, with your face hidden in the crook of his neck, his gentle fingers stroking your hair. There’s not a lot that you could do but lean into that feeling the same way you lean into him. One foot in the sand, one foot in the past. A hand on the doorknob of time, wondering if you should look back or look forward.

You want to be alone, but that never used to apply with him.

The wind stills, the sea calms. You remain unmoving too, locked in his embrace. You feel the faint rhythm of his heart, beating faster than you think it should. If you could, you would bottle this moment up and live there forever.

I miss you, you think.

I miss you.

I miss you.

I miss you.

Then your arms are around him too. It only makes him hold you tighter, and all you can think about is how much you miss him, how painful it is to miss him, how you feel like you’re being pulled apart at the seams from the weight of missing him. 

Fuck.

Can you pretend that the last few years never happened? Is there a higher power that would allow you to go back to the night before that wretched Wednesday, when everything was still perfect? Hundreds of days of your life, can you pretend that it was just one long nightmare? When you wake up, you’ll be back in his humble apartment, tangled up together in his bed. Warm sunlight, your silken youth, and him. It was all you ever needed.

Again with the devastating familiarity. The city, the beach. His mother’s warmth that always made you reminisce about your own mother’s coldness. How Jungkook used to find you in moments like this and just stayed by your side until the dejection passed. He understood that he could never understand it the way you did.

You hear yourself sniffle, then you feel him press a kiss into your hair. Home is comforting.

Oh, you never want to leave.

You don’t want to leave, and that’s terrifying.

You allow yourself to stay there for one more second - one endless second - so you could commit to memory what it’s like to be with him. Back and forth. It’s always so easy to fall into him.

Jungkook releases you when he feels you loosen after a while, and you reluctantly meet his eyes as he tilts your head to face him.  His fingers cradling your jaw, how warm and delicate they feel on your skin.

You swallow thickly, your mind going blank. He’s the only person you see, the only one that matters. His eyes flicker south, and even then you don’t make any move to run away, despite his loose grip on your waist telling you that you can if you want to.

You told him that it would pass, and maybe for him, it will. For him, it’s the city and the moment, making him feel like he’s caught up in a page that he’s turned over a long time ago. He was fine with leaving, and he’s been fine without you. It will pass for him, as much as it hurts you to admit it.

But not for you. For you, there’s only him. There’s nobody else but him. It’s always been him, no matter how hard you try to tell yourself that there will be another person you can love as much as you love Jungkook. You might only be a page, perhaps even a chapter, in the story of his life, but he’s your entire book. He’s volume after volume after volume, until he takes up the whole shelf and leaves no room for anything else, not even for yourself.

And now here he is - at the biggest turn in your career.

He’s a bad blood cell you can’t ever get rid of.

You’ll never be able to truly let go of him. How could you? When you truly love someone, those feelings will carry on forever. They’ll always have a piece of your heart despite an ending. When you look back on a certain period in your life, you’ll think to yourself, You’ll always be a part of me. I loved you then.

But Jungkook is a force of nature. He has your whole heart.

Years and years from now, when you look back on your life, you know you’ll see him everywhere. Even when you’re old and gray, and when faces all just blur together in a mosaic of broken memories and long lost youth, you know you’ll still remember him - the person you loved, the one whom you let slip through your fingers. The great love of your life when you were young.

Sometimes, you regret that day. You can’t help feeling like it was your fault too. Maybe you should’ve tried harder to keep him. You should’ve fought harder, should’ve held onto him instead of standing there and watching him leave.

He lit the match, and you let the house burn. It takes two to tango, two to break a heart.

You’re quick to let people leave. Oh, how you wish it could be that easy to let them go too.

It isn’t until your eyes mimic the flicker of his gaze that he leans in. You meet him halfway. For the first time in years, you feel like you could breathe, truly breathe. It’s achingly slow, like neither of you can believe that this is happening. 

You sigh against his mouth when his tongue brushes your bottom lip, slips past the seal to devour you. It feels like a perfect dream. You could stay in this bubble with him forever, pretend that you’re the only two people who exist in the world and there’s nothing else, no one else, waiting for you in a city that seems so far away right now. The thought of him never left you, not even for a second. He’s always been with you everywhere you go, no matter what you do, always in the back of your mind.

He tastes like your youth, like remembrance. He kisses you like he’s still yours when deep down you know that you’re still his. The hand on your jaw is gentle but firm, and it makes you repeat a thought, I miss you.

Then a feeling, I love you.

Not then. Now.

I love you now.

I love you even when I shouldn’t. Even when it hurts. Even when you leave me. Even when you don’t love me more than I love you. If there comes a day where you love somebody else, I will still love you then. There will never be another person for me but you. My first and only love.

When he pulls away, you think it’s too quick, even though your lungs are grateful for the breath that you instantly inhale. You stare at his lips like you’re in a daze, mesmerized, wanting to chase them again. You don’t even know how you have it in yourself to utter these next words, but you hear your own voice saying them anyway.

You’re holding onto him now. Doesn’t that count?

“Let’s…” Your fingers tighten on the collar of his dress shirt. “Let’s go up to your room.”

note (2): so... what do we think?? will they?? won't they?? 😵 stay tuned for obs7.5 which will be dropping 29.09.2023! also i'm gonna pause obs muse asks for a little bit! 😬

all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted september 24, 2023]

[moonselune]

The boys with a satyr tav who's like. Such an angsty little guy, but they figure out he's been through a LOT of life. Used to he a king, a pirate, the whole shibang. Only reason he was even in Baldur's gate is bc he was going through a bad breakup with the queen of said far away land, one she didn't take too well.

ahaha i do love the trope of 'powerful scorned ex' there's something so intoxicating about it

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Gale:

The city lights of Baldur's Gate cast long, wavering shadows over your night as you sit beside Gale at the edge of a bustling square, feeling its music and laughter pulse around you. Though you’re surrounded by revelry, your mind drifts, unfurling memories of past adventures and conquests—empires seized, ships stormed, castles claimed in your name. You’ve always been restless, a creature of perpetual movement, seeking both exhilaration and escape.

It doesn’t help that Gale, with his keen eyes and warm, gentle presence, sees through you like he’s reading some ancient tome. He sees past the sardonic smiles and hardened exterior to the weight you carry, the shadows of things long lost and battles left behind.

It’s unnerving, honestly—how he catches you gazing off toward the harbor with a faraway look, and without a word, sets a quiet hand on your shoulder, a gesture as subtle as it is grounding. For all your world-worn edges, Gale holds you with an understanding that makes you feel, for a moment, at home.

But that night, as the city bustles with its typical rowdy din, Gale notices the way your brows furrow, gaze distant. There’s a tension in you, a heaviness that even the thrill of a fresh ale and a crowded tavern can’t ease. He leans forward, studying you with that contemplative expression that has become so familiar.

"Tell me," he murmurs, reaching across the table to place a hand over yours. "What brought a king like you to a place like Baldur's Gate?"

For a moment, you consider deflecting, throwing off the question with a smirk and a sharp retort. But something in Gale’s gaze is different tonight, a warmth that refuses to let you hide. You sigh, your finger tracing the rim of your cup before meeting his gaze with an honesty you rarely offer.

"Her Majesty herself,” you say with a huff, your voice both bitter and amused. "An empress, in a kingdom far from here. She was…" You trail off, struggling to put into words the pull and power she had over you. "Let’s say she was the kind who’d prefer her lovers to remain loyal, even if she was the most fickle creature I’d ever known."

Gale raises an eyebrow, intrigued. "I take it things didn’t end amicably?"

A short laugh escapes you. "Not quite. She wanted everything, always, with no limits. I left when I realized that I was just another ornament in her collection, and she… well, she didn’t appreciate the loss. I barely escaped with my head."

Gale’s fingers tighten around yours. "So she banished you?”

You shake your head, a smirk tugging at the corner of your lips. "No, banishment would’ve been merciful. Let’s just say she has a few tricks up her sleeve that’d make even a wizard like you jealous. I’ve been dodging her… influence ever since.”

There’s a sadness in Gale’s eyes, an understanding that reaches deeper than his words as he gently says, "Sounds like you’ve left a lifetime behind. And the heart doesn’t always heal as quickly as the mind, does it?"

That vulnerability in his voice pulls at something you’ve kept buried, something you thought you’d left on the shores of that faraway kingdom. You open your mouth to respond, to deflect perhaps, but Gale beats you to it, his voice softening.

"Running from one kingdom to the next, and now here in Baldur’s Gate,” he says, his gaze holding yours. "You don’t have to run anymore, you know."

You blink, the weight of his words sinking in. There’s a quiet strength in the way he says it, a reassurance you never expected from him—a wizard who has his own troubles, his own losses. Gale is no stranger to the past clinging to the present, yet he’s offering you something you thought was lost to you.

With a shrug, you turn to look at him, raising your cup as if to toast him but pausing as your eyes meet. There’s a flicker of something you can’t place, and you feel your heart stammering in a way it hasn’t in a long time.

"And what, wizard, would you have me do?" You ask, your voice laced with a challenge that hides your own nervousness. "Find solace here? Settle down, perhaps?”

A slight smile tugs at Gale’s lips as he tilts his head. "Perhaps. Or perhaps find a place that’s not just an escape—a life you can build instead of simply wander through. A life we could build together."

You stare at him, the air between you tense with something new and unnamed. A part of you wants to laugh it off, to dismiss his words as foolish and naive. But there’s something about the way he’s looking at you, something unshakeable and warm, that stirs memories of all the things you’ve tried to forget—the longing for a life without fear or restlessness.

The weight of the years catches up to you—the kingdoms conquered, the ships sailed, the battles fought, and all the lives you’ve left behind. For the first time, in the heart of Baldur’s Gate with this wizard by your side, you realize you might actually want something more than the thrill of the chase.

Your hand tightens around his, and you lean in closer, your voice softer, almost shy. "And if I said I was ready for that? To stop running?"

Gale’s smile deepens, a glimmer of relief in his eyes as he cups your cheek. "Then, my king, I would say you’ve finally found your way home."

As his lips meet yours, you feel the burdens of the past start to lift, replaced by a quiet, steady warmth—a hope that maybe, just maybe, there’s a life waiting for you here that doesn’t require leaving anything behind.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Astarion:

The nights in Baldur’s Gate always seemed quieter, softer, when you spent them alone with Astarion, despite the bustling noise of the city outside. Tonight, as the two of you sit together on the balcony of a small, worn tavern, there’s a lull in the usual chatter between you. He’s watching you, silver eyes sharp with interest as he leans against the balcony rail, studying the way the city lights reflect in your dark gaze.

The evening air is rich with scents from the market below—roasted chestnuts, spices, the ever-present smell of ale. You lean back, taking it all in, lost in thought, and for a moment, Astarion just lets the silence hang, until he eventually breaks it with his usual wry charm.

“Alright, my brooding, mysterious satyr—spill it. What’s going on in that horned head of yours tonight?”

You exhale, a half-sigh, half-laugh escaping your lips. “You’re relentless, you know that?”

His grin widens, and he leans in closer, resting his chin on his hand as he watches you with that predatory curiosity he always carries. “Oh, I’ve heard. Though, from you, I’d expect nothing less in return.”

You look at him then, realizing you’ve let more slip than you usually would in recent days. Not much goes unnoticed with Astarion. He’s a vampire with a taste for secrets and a fondness for breaking down defenses, his keen eye always catching the smallest cracks in a person’s armor. It’s part of what had drawn him to you in the first place—you were different, you carried more history than most of Baldur’s Gate put together, wrapped in quiet agony and dark memories. And maybe he hadn’t expected you to let him see beneath that stoic veneer you wore so well.

So, tonight, you decide to let him in just a little further. You take a swig of your drink, the rich, bitter taste giving you the last bit of courage you need, and turn to him.

“I’m only here in this wretched city because of her,” you say, with a dry, bitter laugh. “A queen. Regal, beautiful, and just as venomous as she was beguiling. She… didn’t quite take our break-up well.”

Astarion arches an eyebrow, intrigued. “Oh, a queen, you say?” His eyes spark with interest, leaning forward to catch every word. “Go on.”

“Oh, she was a queen alright. She had everything: beauty, power, an empire at her feet—and yet, somehow, she still wanted more.” You shake your head, your voice a mix of anger and wistful amusement. “When I finally had enough, I walked away. Left her and the whole damn kingdom behind me. Apparently, she wasn’t accustomed to being refused.”

Astarion chuckles, the sound low and rich with amusement. “Ah, so that’s why you’re here—Baldur’s Gate, a city of rogues and misfits. Hiding from a scorned queen with power at her fingertips?”

You smirk, giving a small nod. “Something like that. It was either run or spend eternity looking over my shoulder.”

He’s quiet for a moment, his hand resting against yours on the balcony rail, his thumb tracing small circles along your knuckles.

“You, a pirate king,” he says softly, almost to himself. “I can’t say I didn’t suspect as much. There’s a haunted edge in your eyes—one I don’t see in the typical scoundrels that wander this city.”

The vulnerability in his voice surprises you. You look down at your intertwined hands, struck by how grounding it feels, his cool touch anchoring you to the present. You never expected to find someone in this cursed city who could understand, let alone accept, the weight you carry.

“It’s funny,” you murmur. “After all the lives I’ve led, all the titles I’ve worn, here I am—just a stranger in a strange land. Running from a woman who probably still dreams of strangling me with her silken gloves.”

Astarion’s laughter is rich and bright, and he squeezes your hand, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “If it helps, darling, I’d never dream of strangling you… maybe only to spice things up.”

You chuckle, and the humor pulls you back from the darker memories clawing at the edges of your mind. The smile he brings out is genuine, cutting through the weight of past lives, past loves, and bitter betrayals. Astarion leans closer, his face now inches from yours, eyes softening as he studies your expression.

“You’ve lived so many lives,” he murmurs, his voice gentle. “A king, a pirate… all these grand titles. And yet, I think I prefer this version of you—the one sitting here with me on a broken balcony above a creaky old tavern.”

For the first time in what feels like forever, you don’t feel like an exile, a fugitive, or a former monarch cast out by love. You just feel like you. And as you lean in, resting your head against his shoulder, the past falls away, leaving only the quiet comfort of his presence, the city lights twinkling like stars above you.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Wyll:

In the dim glow of the inn's candlelight, Wyll sits across from you, leaning forward with that soft, intrigued expression that makes your heart twist in ways you haven’t felt in a long time. There's warmth in his gaze, a comforting steadiness, and something more—a desire to know you, truly know you. And that makes it harder to put up the usual walls.

You take a deep breath, running a hand over your horns, a habit you've picked up when you’re lost in thought. It’s rare you let anyone this close, let alone someone as earnest as Wyll. His world is built on honor, justice, and belief in something better. Your world… well, your world has been quite the opposite.

“Let me get this straight,” Wyll says, his tone somewhere between disbelief and amusement. “You were a king?”

You smirk, shifting in your seat.

“I was,” you reply with a shrug, like it’s the most casual thing in the world. But you can feel Wyll’s gaze on you, urging you to say more. “A pirate too,” you add after a moment, leaning back. “And a warlord, a smuggler—oh, and a reluctant diplomat on occasion.”

Wyll laughs, his eyes lighting up. “A king, a pirate, a diplomat. And here I was thinking I’d seen it all,” he says, though there’s a glimmer of worry in his gaze, like he’s wondering what brought you here, to a place like Baldur’s Gate, far from any throne.

“You’re quite the charmer,” you reply, trying to keep things light, but his curiosity has a way of drawing you out. You take another sip of your drink, feeling its warmth spread through you as you muster the words. “The only reason I’m here, if you really want to know, is because of a queen.”

Wyll raises an eyebrow, but he stays silent, waiting for you to continue. And for a reason you can’t quite name, you do.

“She was everything you’d expect a queen to be: ruthless, beautiful, and ambitious as the gods themselves,” you say, a wry smile tugging at your lips. “She had her sights set on everything and everyone she wanted. And, for a time, that was me.”

His expression softens, though his brow creases as he considers your words. “So… she cast you out?”

You chuckle, shaking your head. “It was… messier than that. Let’s just say queens don’t take breakups well. She had power, more power than I realized. And when I finally left her…” Your voice trails off, memories stirring that you'd rather keep buried. “She didn’t take it lightly. So, here I am, halfway across the world, trying to forget it all.”

Wyll’s hand reaches across the table, resting atop yours. It’s a gentle, grounding touch, the kind you’re not used to. You glance at his hand, then up into his eyes, and find only warmth there, no judgment or pity. Just… understanding.

“Sometimes,” he says quietly, “the past follows us no matter how far we run. But it doesn’t have to define us.”

For the first time in a long while, you feel something shift within you—a loosening of the weight you've carried. Wyll’s words echo in your mind, and for once, the memories don’t feel quite as heavy.

He smiles, leaning forward, his voice soft. “Tell me more about her, this queen of yours. What was it that drew you to her?”

You laugh, a rueful sound. “She was the kind of woman who could make you feel like you owned the stars one moment and then take them all away the next. There’s something intoxicating about that sort of power.” You glance at Wyll, who’s watching you with that same soft expression. “But that kind of intensity… it burns out quickly.”

He nods, his gaze unwavering. “And what are you searching for now?” His thumb brushes over your knuckles, grounding you once again.

“I don’t know,” you admit, glancing down. “Maybe peace, if that’s even possible for someone like me. I’ve spent so long running… it feels strange to stop.”

Wyll’s lips curl into a faint smile. “Then maybe it’s time to stop running. Here, with me.”

Your breath catches at the simplicity of his words. You want to brush it off, to make some sarcastic remark, but the earnestness in his eyes makes it impossible. Slowly, you nod, feeling a warmth spread through you, different from the thrill of adventure or the fire of battle. It’s gentler, softer—a kind of peace you never thought you’d find.

In the dim light, Wyll’s fingers tighten around yours, a silent promise between you. And for the first time, you feel like you might actually belong somewhere, with someone who sees you, who accepts every piece of you, no matter how jagged or scarred.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Halsin:

The firelight in the heart of the forest flickered in the cool, evening air as you sat beside Halsin, his solid presence a grounding force beside you. The two of you had been silent for a while, sharing a meal, the gentle sounds of the forest surrounding you. Though he had seen many seasons, lived many years himself, you had to admit—Halsin made everything around him feel fresh, vibrant. And that was a rare feeling for someone like you, someone who had spent countless lives in battles and thrones, on wild seas and winding roads.

In moments like these, it was easy to feel grounded. He knew of some of your past, of course, pieced together from comments you’d let slip about former lives, your love for adventure, and your disdain for staying in one place too long. But the particulars, especially what brought you to Baldur’s Gate in the first place, remained shrouded in mystery—an ancient pain you weren’t quite sure how to share.

Tonight, though, he could sense the weight on you. The forest might have been your sanctuary, a place to relax and let down your guard, but Halsin could see through the cracks, his eyes trained on you with a gentle patience. It was that look that finally coaxed the words out, the whole story you hadn’t dared tell anyone.

“Baldur’s Gate was never meant to be a destination,” you began, twirling a stick idly in your hands, the words coming out quieter than you expected. “More like a… refuge. A place I ended up after everything else went to hell.”

Halsin watched you, leaning forward with gentle encouragement, his eyes never leaving yours as he listened with an attentiveness that put you at ease. You took a deep breath, letting the old memories surge to the surface.

“She was a queen—an empress, really. The sort who never knew a throne she couldn’t take. And for a while, I was her king. But I was just one of many things she wanted; someone she believed belonged to her, like a prized gem to wear. When I realized I was nothing more than another piece in her collection, I left. Got away. Or, well, I tried.” You laughed, though the bitterness remained.

Halsin’s brow furrowed, his hand resting gently on your shoulder. “And she didn’t accept that well, did she?”

You shook your head, forcing a smile. “She took it as a challenge. Sent half her court after me, hired blades and spells alike. Every town I passed through, every inn I stopped at, I found her influence waiting. She wasn’t someone who liked to lose, especially not to someone she saw as her equal.”

There was a beat of silence, the crackling fire your only companion as you let the weight of your words settle. You expected some kind of pity from Halsin, or perhaps anger on your behalf, but he just listened, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on your shoulder.

“And so, here I am,” you said, forcing a smirk. “The great, brooding satyr, running from his past and finding trouble around every corner. I didn’t exactly intend to stay in Baldur’s Gate, but… here I am. And here you are.”

Halsin’s hand moved from your shoulder to cup your face, his thumb brushing across your cheek in a touch so tender it made you forget, just for a moment, all the anger and regret. His gaze held yours, deep and steady, grounding you like the roots of a great oak.

“Life,” he began, his voice low and full of understanding, “is a series of seasons. You’ve endured the harshest of winters, but that doesn’t mean spring won’t come. It sounds as if you’ve never truly had a place to call home—never a sanctuary where you could simply exist without running.”

You swallowed, the truth of his words settling heavily in your chest. He leaned closer, his eyes searching yours, and the warmth of his presence seeped through, soothing and reassuring in a way that made you feel lighter than you had in years.

“I… I never thought of it that way,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “The idea of staying anywhere, of planting roots—it’s terrifying.”

“Then we’ll start small,” he murmured, a gentle smile spreading across his face. “We’ll find sanctuary here, together, no expectations beyond what you’re ready for. If anyone comes after you, I’ll be by your side. You’re not alone.”

Halsin pulled you into a gentle embrace, his arms wrapping around you in a way that felt like a shield, a silent promise that he would stand with you, whatever happened next. You closed your eyes, letting yourself sink into his warmth, feeling his heart beat steadily against your own.

“Thank you, Halsin,” you whispered, a weight lifting from your shoulders.

When you finally pulled back, Halsin’s gaze remained steady, his eyes filled with a love that left you speechless. He didn’t see you as some relic of a broken past, or a former king trapped in his own history. To him, you were simply you, someone worth standing beside, someone worth loving.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Hope you guys enjoyed this, sorry nonnie this took me a while to do! - Seluney xox

If you want to support me in other ways | Help keep this moonmaiden caffeinated x

[recreationalfanfics]

Forever Mine

Yandere! Ryusei Shidou x Fem! Reader (ft. implied yandere Bachira)

Summary: What happens when Ryusei’s biggest admirer/borderline stalker ends up with someone else who isn’t him? 

A/n: THIS FEELS VERY OOC, setting is confusing too bc I don’t even mention Blue Lock, I just wanted this to be very dramatic. Also, idk how to write Shidou in one shots so feedback would be very appreciated! Either way, I hope you enjoy! Also to clarify, reader is more obsessive but she learns and grows from it.

Shidou watched with displeasure as you chatted away with that stupid Bachira guy so cheerfully. He absolutely despised the look on your face as you watched Bachira talk, those love sick eyes that took in every single feature of his face, and the way your body subconsciously leaned in closer to him. It made him sick, honestly. Once upon a time, he was in Bachira’s spot, and it was HIS arm that you were begging to hang off of. 

Yeah, sure he found it annoying but he also liked the attention. Sometimes he’d indulge you and entertain himself by giving you just a miniscule amount of special attention, chuckling about how excited you got over a simple wink or sending you a small text of  sweet nothings. Then there were times where he would ignore you the whole day and leave you on read, seeing how upset and sad you looked the next day as your eyes silently begged him to look in your direction, and ultimately wondering what you did wrong for him to be so upset with you. Back then, he didn’t really feel that bad for you because it’s not like he really gave you any signs that he wanted something from you. Sure, he’d flirt here and there, but he never asked you to come back to him. Yet you always did.

Or, at least, you had.

Now here he was, glaring in jealousy as Bachira was the center of your attention and he seemed to genuinely enjoy it and care. Shidou did not want to admit that he fucked up, at first. He thought that you were only pursuing Bachira because you were just trying to get your mind off of him. Yet, when he tried to text you to assure himself that he could have you back anytime he wanted and that this was a phase, he got a notification saying he was blocked. You…blocked him. YOU BLOCKED HIM!?

He was going to confront you in public but he stopped when he saw what a happy couple you and Bachira made, it sickened him to his stomach to see you that happy with someone else. Now he was laying in his bed scrolling through his phone and reading the texts that he ignored from you, man, you were so fucking pathetic it was kinda adorable. He was also realizing that he was more than just an obsession to you, that your love for him might’ve been more genuine than he realized.

“It’s 2am and honestly, I can’t get you out of my mind. That play you made was amazing! Sure, it was overkill when you broke the guy’s leg but that steal was amazing…You’re amazing, Shidou. You’re gonna do amazing things and I hope I’m there next to you for all of it!’

“Hey, Ik you’re ignoring me today. I’m sorry if I did something wrong! I’ll take you out to make up for it if you’ll let me! There’s a great Korean restaurant that serves Yukhoe, ik that’s your fav!  I’d do anything for you, don’t forget that. <3”

“Words really can’t describe how much I think about you and how happy you make me. You’re so beautiful, even when you go wild, especially when you go wild. How can you make 

Others might think that you sounded like an infatuated stalker (which you were at this time) but to Shidou, he felt butterflies rereading these. He imagines you laying in bed sending these messages, typing these in with a big grin on your face or maybe a shy expression, and sending it with that cute-ass giggle you had. He remembers just seeing the insane amount of texts you would send him in the middle of the night and how he’d just open, scroll, and close his phone. His grip on his phone tightens at the thought of Bachira getting these texts from you, eating up your praises and responding to them unlike Shidou. He thinks about how you could’ve moved on so fast but then he sees the date on all these texts and realizes, based on how much shorter the declarations of your undying get through the months, some even dating back to one or two years ago. There was bittersweet comfort that it took you so long to forget him but it was mostly bitter because all the time and he hadn’t wanted you as badly as he did right now. 

Scrolling through the other text messages, there is one that captures his eye that was from you. One that made his eyes wide but a smirk growing on his face and broke him out of his little pity party.

“I’m yours forever, Ryusei. Til the day I die.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were waiting for Bachira, giggling at your phone and yawning a little since the both of you stayed up so late texting each other again. You’re sure you’d feel more energetic after having coffee with Bachira, who was currently on his way. You smiled to yourself as you read his texts to you last night, he was such a sweetheart in every way. You chilled out a bit after your situationship (if you could even call it that) and learned from your clingy habits but it was nice to know that Bachira was as obsessed with you as you were with him. Honestly, it was hard for you to remember that you ever had a crush on-

*SLAM*

“...Sh-Shidou?”

You didn’t even have to think of the devil’s name for him to appear, that wide smirk on his face that had you swooning but now, now you felt small and it left an ache in your heart. You no longer harbored feelings for him but the hurt that he caused you was still evident.

“Shidou? No, baby, it’s Ryu. ‘Member?” He grinned. 

The slam was made by how harshly his hand hit your table, his flattened palm laid on top of a piece of paper and he was looming dangerously close to you that you backed up as far as you could into your seat.

“Um, right,” You say, not expecting to deal with this, “So, uh, what are you doing?”

“Was gonna ask ya the same question. Y’know, last night I was thinking about you…’bout us.”

Us?

What Us? There was never an “Us”.

It was him, it was always about him.

“...Okay.” You begin with an uncertain tone because  you weren’t sure where this was going, “I don’t really know what you’re talking about.”

He chuckles lowly, once more moving closer to you. The past you would have been absolutely overjoyed for him to want to be this close to but right now, you felt cornered. Trapped. Your eyes briefly flicker to the door in hopes that your boyfriend would come in and save you.

“I missed you, you know,” He admits, his tone softer and more genuine sounding, “That’s what you wanted to hear, right? Now you can leave that freak and be with me like you always wanted.”

You are too shocked to respond right away, you weren’t sure why all of a sudden he was saying all this stuff after you hadn’t talked to him in months but you didn’t like what he was implying.

“Why would I do that?” You stand up indignantly and glare at him. He’s unfazed and tilts his head, that smirk of his becoming more irritating by the second to your eyes, “Because that’s the reason you’re with him, right? To make me jealous? Guess what, sweetheart, it worked.”

“...What? No. No, that’s not the reason I’m with Bachira. I love him a-and he loves me! He makes me happy, he’s always so sweet to me, and yeah he’s a little wild at times but I love that about hi-”

“You don’t. You love me. You’re mine forever, remember?” He then took the piece of paper that he put on the table, and showed it to you. It was one of the last texts that you sent to Shidou, you weren’t sure if you were angry or embarrassed.

Or if you were concerned because he quite literally had to screenshot that text, crop it, and then print it out just to show it to you.

“Til the day you fucking die.” He said, emphasizing each word by tapping the photo with his finger. 

You can’t do this, you decided. You can’t deal with him. You have for two years because you thought you were in love but you were slightly more mature now. More wiser in the sense of knowing that you needed to get out of there because you honestly couldn’t stand to see his face any longer. When you grab your stuff and start to move, he steps in front of you.

“Aw, what’s the matter?” He fake pouts, his tone all whiny and annoying.

“I need to go, Shidou, Bachira-” 

He pushes you back down into your seat, putting both hands in his pockets and looking down at you. It’s scary how he could change from annoying to menacing really quickly and you nervously swallowed some spit down your throat. Now you didn’t feel like you were cornered, you felt like you were in the mouth of the dragon.

“Shut the fuck up about him for a second, won’t you?” Shidou growled, “If you say his name one more time or call me “Shidou” again, watch what happens.”

Everyone is staring at you now, you notice it when Shidou stops talking and only silence fills the air. The other patrons at the caffe all look at one another or keep their eyes glued to the scene, uncertain of what course of action they should take. Shidou narrows his eyes at you, only to soften his features. Damn, you were really pretty when you were scared. He really did have to take you back because no one else should be allowed to see you like this.

“Well, this isn’t any good.” Someone spoke up from behind him, Ryusei could recognize that voice from anywhere. And from the corner of his eye, he saw you visibly perk up, “Why are you bothering my girlfriend, Insect?”

“Better question, why weren’t you here to stop me?” Shidou shot back with a now strained grin. Bachira held up the big stuffed animal, “Oh, I saw this and thought (Y/N) would like it so I was gonna surprise her with it. Now, am I gonna hafta’ break your jaw?” 

“Oh, I bet you think you could, bowl cut-”

“Shidou!” You frown, making him stop in his tracks, “Please…leave. Just leave me and Bachira alone.”

 Fuck, you’re cute when you begged too. He looks at you before glancing over at your boyfriend, who was just daring him to do something before he looks at you.

“Fine,” He says, stuffing the paper into his pocket, “but remember, you’re the one to blame for this-” 

   He then turned around and smiled at Bachira, “And you’re just my placeholder, kay?”

    Bachira stuck his tongue out in response and made his way by your side, wrapping a protective arm around you as Shidou left but make no mistake, princess, he was coming back.

After all, you belonged to him. You can’t just overwhelm him with your love and take it all back.

He won’t let you.

[lunalikestowriteanddraw]

First impressions of EOM (after finishing episode 1)

Story thus far: ?????? How can I verbally express how much I love it so far????? The train???? The mystique????? The conductor (who may or may not also be the narrator)????? The fucking MOON???? I just. I can’t verbally express how much this campaign already has me hooked. This campaign got me hooked faster than Icebound did, and I thought that Icebound hooked me pretty quickly (since I was all on board for Icebound by the end of Ep 1). But EOM? I was on board (heh) by the time the train first appeared to collect Jericho. Oooohhhh I’m so intrigued.

Jericho: I love him. He’s, admittedly, the character I knew the most about going into EOM, and I still knew next to nothing about him. I just knew that he was a living scarecrow and I knew about Virgil. I did NOT know about the demon, holy fuck. I’m curious. Also…he’s just so…I wanna hug him. So much. Poor guy deserves it. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, I think it was inevitable I’d immediately fall in love with him. I mean, the first clue should’ve been that I immediately fell in love with Torbek (to the point where he literally got me into LOA in the first place), who is also a sad character with…oof. Iykyk. But also Jericho was, admittedly, the main reason why I finally decided on EOM as I was done catching up with Icebound. With the mixture of the couple of EOM shorts I’ve seen revolving around Jericho in some way, the bunch of Jericho fanart I’ve seen on here, and the Jericho song they revealed during the anniversary stream? Yeah…it was inevitable. Idk why I’m even surprised (actually, I think I’m mostly shocked that I fell in love with him the moment he started speaking)

Lethica: when Andy said during their BG3 gameplay on the stream on Saturday, that he was surprised that Lethica and Shadowheart’s stories were eerily similar, with Mace then asking if Shart was a cleric of Shar, I didn’t even begin to wonder as to WHY Mace even thought that. I was just shocked that he was right on the money for Shart. Then comes my absolute bamboozlement when reading Lethica’s card, seeing that she was ALSO a cleric of Shar, that suddenly Mace’s question and Andy’s comment made sense. Character-wise, she’s interesting so far. I love that she was immediately just. Very kind to Jericho. I’m interested to see where her character goes.

Marius, Briggsy, and Farryn: don’t have much to talk about either of these characters so far, so I’m combining them. Like Lethica, I weirdly love the fact that he was immediately very warm to Jericho upon meeting him. Also that he’s a very…hopeful person? It’s hard to say what I’m trying to get here, I’m just intrigued by his standpoint, and his relation to Lathander. All I really knew about Marius before going into EOM was his ship with Lethica, and I find it kinda funny that it’s—quite literally—Light x Darkness, just because of their respective gods. Very fun. I like Briggsy’s personality so far. And also, if I had a nickel for every time Richie played a lizardfolk warlock with some relation to death, well…I’d have 2 nickels. That I know of, anyway. And Farryn…I’m sorry but I didn’t even know you existed until I saw you paired against Gideon in the “which is gayer” LOA polls that’s going around. You’re cool so far tho. Like the accent.

Tl:dr: the story has me hooked, I will die for Jericho if he asked (tho he probably wouldn’t bc he’s such a sweetheart), Lethica is really cool so far, and the others are there too, I guess.

[moose-muffin]

im new here (hiya from the hazbin tag lol) but if you do character + character requests than please PLEASE gimmie a lee!vox with ler!alastor 🙏🙏🙏hear me out... the two are fighting and al (sHocKINglY) wins out, and vox expects to like.. be beaten into the ground as a result, but nope!! he gets tickled!!! to tears!!!! smthn smthn he wasnt smilin and, yk, youre never fully dressed w/o a smile!!!

/nf to do tho ty for reading!!! <3<3

OMG OMG HELLO WELCOME I HOPE YOURE DOING GOOD YIPPEE

SO FUN FACT I WAS VERY LIKE NEUTRAL TO RADIOSTATIC BUT TONIGHT HAS BEEN (HAHAH GET IT) AN ADVENTURE AND THIS ROAD HAS BEEN SUCH A BLAST <3 THOSE TWO FUCKERS ARE SO INSTIGATIVE ITS CRAZY.

I KNOWWWW THIS AS A FIC WOULD GO C R A Z Y!!!!! IDK IF ANYONE HERE WRITE FOR VOX AND ALASTOR AND PERHAPS DOES COMMISSIONS BUT I WILL PAY!!!! PLEASE HIT ME UP OR ILL PROBABLY GO TAKE A PEAK FOR MYSELF TMR <3 AS LONG AS THATS OK ANON. (I WILL ABSOLUTELY LET IT BE POSTED AS LONG AS THE AUTHOR IS OK WITH IT WHICH USUALLY THEY ARE!!!!) IM GONNA TAKE SOME CREATIVE LIBERTIES AS I TYPICALLY DO HEADCANONS!

IM NOT USUALLY A CHARACTER + CHARACTER GIRLY SO BEAR WITH ME BUT I WILL DO MY VERY BEST!!!! HOPEFULLY I CAN DO THIS JUSTICE! IT WILL BE RANDOM HCS THAT ARE UNRELATED TOO. MY BRAIN IS A MESSY PLACE HWBSHWDBD

OK SO LIKE I KINDA MENTIONED, THEY BOTH LOOOOVE TO JUST GET UNDER PEOPLES SKIN. LOVE IT!!! ESPECIALLY ALASTOR. HES SUCH AN ASS (affectionate)

I’D EVEN SAY HE’S KIND OF AN INSTIGATIVE LER???? BRO IS DOING EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO GET TO TICKLE VOX LIKEEE IDK IF THAT EVEN MAKES SENSE BUT I KNOW ITS TRUE. HE WILL CASUALLY WIGGLE HIS FINGERS IN CONVERSATION, TWEAK HIS RIBS FROM BEHIND, LITTLE THINGS LIKE THAT. WELL THEYRE NOT LITTLE. ESPECIALLY NOT TO VOX WHO IS SO FLUSTERED BY IT… ITS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING

BUT! VOX HAS STARTED TO FIGURE IT OUT. AS HE IS ALSO ONE WHO LOVEEES TO GET UNDER SKIN, HE DECIDES HE’LL DO EVERYTHING TO TRIGGER A LER MOOD IN ALASTOR. IF HE CAN TELL HE ALREADY HAS ONE, HE FINDS WAYS TO SUBTLY (WE ALL KNOW HE ISNT SUBTLE THOUGH) LEAVE A SPOT UNPROTECTED. BUT ALASTOR DOESNT WANT TO GIVE HIM THE SATISFACTION!!! HE TRIES SO HARD TO NOT GIVE IN TO VOX BC HE “WANTED TO BE THE ONE IN CONTROL” AND NOW HE ISNT AND HES #PISSED

ALSO VOX ABSOLUTELY IS HORRIFIED OF VULNERABILITY. YET HE IS ABLE TO MOVE PAST IT WITH ALASTOR HERE. SOMEHOW HE ISNT AS WORRIED ANYMORE. MAYBE HE KNOWS ALASTOR WILL REACT. HE LOVES THAT SO VERY MUCH.

AS FOR THE SPECIFIC PROMPT, OH THAT IS SO REAL!!!! ABSOLUTELY YES!!!

I DONT WRITE GOOD ROMANCE BUT LIKE UGH IMAGINE IT NOW. Alastor definitely just got himself to the V’s tower and was planning on fucking with Vox only to see he had already been kinda pissed off. Alastor wouldn’t be as satisfied if he knew he didn’t cause the frustration. He realized he could just stir the pot again. Problem solved, and what better way to solve it than using his weakness against him.. being tickled.

I’m being a little silly but genuinely Vox is so ticklish. Like most ticklish person in hell would go to him if it were an official title. That’s what I’m thinking. That being said, Alastor also knows how quickly he could get him to crumble… but wouldn’t it be more fun to take it slow.

Vox notices his presence almost immediately. He tried to ignore it as he feels his face get warm. He can’t fuck this up. He takes a deep breath and turns around. “Why hello, Alastor! What brings you to our building this evening?” He said in a semi newcaster voice. He wasn’t ready to drop the act

“Well Vox, I came here for a reason of my own but then I walked by your office and you looked so sad!” He began to walk closer to Vox. “You know, t they say you’re never fully dressed without a smile!”

Vox let out a laugh that was quite clearly untruthful. “Yes Alastor I am aware! I was alone in here and so I figured I’d just save up some energy. I’m sure you understand.”

“Quite frankly I don’t,” Alastor paused, “I think maybe I could help you get that smile back.”

Vox didn’t even have to think. He knew Alastor meant he was going to tickle him. You could ask Velvette. She’s seen those two in tickle fights that lasted for DAYS. she knows what they’re capable of, or more so what Alastor is capable of.

Vox puts up a fight for maybe a couple seconds but he just loves tickles more than he can play pretend that he doesn’t <3

It works out well for them both, Alastor gets to fuck around with Vox and well, Vox gets his shit rocked!!! And he loves that more than a lot of things.

OK IM GONNA CUT IT OFF HERE BUT PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COME BACK!!!! IM ALWAYS DOWN TO HEAR WHAT PEOPLE ARE THINKING!! MAYBE ID DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS AGAIN OR LIKE ADD ONTO THIS!!! BUT I AM JUST ALL OVER THE PLACE CURRENTLY HEHE. I HOPE THESE ARE ENJOYABLE!!! (LOWKEY I WANNA ADD MORE TO THISSSS MAYBE TMR MAYBE TMR WE’LL SEE)

apologies if anything is ooc, i just do this for funsies <3

THANK YOU FOR THIS ASKK

[laughterbynight]

Possibly unpopular opinions incoming which means post it before bed, natch.

I actually think Tim in a trio would be cute. I don’t trust DC not to make it weird of course but as far as headcanons go I could see him trying that out for a bit. One partner is of course Kon. DC can fight it all they want but I do think someday (maybe when I’m 70) Tim and Kon will end up canon.

Anyway, temporary trio wise I think Tim, Kon, and maybe a new character. I have no issue with Bernard but I always feel like DC shoved him in there to cut off timkon talk so I have a hard time seeing him as anything permanent y’know? But then again that would work as a transition into timkon when the trio ends. Amicably!! I’m so not here for drama.

I’d like to see a woman in there maybe, for some balance. No not Steph. I know some fans are still really married to the idea of them but the whole manic pixie dreamgirl thing has never been my jam personally. That’s why I’m generally attracted to the batfam. I like stoics. Yes, Dick isn’t my fave either (drawing all kinds of targets on myself tonight).

I feel like figuring out sexuality is so…basic and static in comics. Like yeah they talk about it being a journey of discovery but we don’t really *see* that, they just say it.

I think I’ve seen Bart as a popular third. Idk if that’s in line with him as a character at all since I’m less familiar with him but I’m open to it. I do kinda like the idea of an Amazon about their age. I know the supe/bat/amazon thing is common ground but hey it works really good. I can’t argue with it. I like reading superwonderbat too. Sue me.

If we wanna shake things up it would be interesting if it was a male Amazon. I mean we know men aren’t allowed to stay there so they must go somewhere. I think it would be interesting to see a male character from a culture where women are in control and that’s considered normal. No hate about it just, yeah that’s how it is here. I get bored of the sausage club that is the batfamily but I’ll take it if that means an interesting third.

sidebar: I really wish Cass was in more stories and we could have more girldad Bruce moments. I feel like DC tries to do the “girlpower” thing by putting all the girls on teams together and honest to god I do not care. I wanna see Batman and his kick ass daughter and her brothers, together.

It’s almost a shame Cass was adopted bc she would fit as a good third but of course we can’t do that for obvious reasons. Maybe in an AU, but I’d be more sad if she didn’t have batdad instead.

Anyone have any ideas about a third? I’m curious. Keeping in mind they'd need to get along with Tim and Kon on some level obvs or why would any of them bother.

Edit: How do we feel about Connor? I realized the rep for Ace characters is abysmal and I think Tim and Kon would be really sweet and understanding compared to like, idk a lot of other characters in general. Tbh I think of Tim as demi but idk if DC can handle that Bi was hard enough for them. But then I think I’d want them to stay a trio too. Idk y’all is Connor around their ages I seriously can’t keep up with how DC rearranges timelines. I DO know it would probably cause Bruce and Ollie to get catty with each other around the holidays and that’s always a bonus in my book.

So many ideassssss

edit edit: wait that’s two Connors. I shouldn’t do this at 1am. That would also be funny tho.

[banana-pancake5]

Dude I finally read the neon void and I’m going a little crazy.

I just kinda really really love it. I knew it was good but I didn’t expect it to be that good. So that was pleasantly surprising. I also for some reason didn’t expect to get Leo narrating for whatever reason but I’m so glad we did. It makes me so sad the misunderstandings the boys had when Leo’s being Leo but with a darker appearance (and being so unnecessarily aggressive with the remarks toward himself like baby no 😭)

I can’t exactly speak from experience but the way grief was written was so so nice. I guess I could be completely off base bc I have yet to experience that type of grief (the perks of not getting close to too many people I suppose) but it feels really realistic. I super appreciate it bc I’m gonna use it as an actual reference bc it’s written in a way that’s understandable? I guess? Like I didn’t really get the specifics of grief before and I guess I can’t really now, but I do have a better grasp I think. Ah it made me hurt a lot tho

I’m still kinda taking it all in but all of everything was just so so good. I would love to hear about all your favorite moments and aspects bc I feel a ramble on my bones but it needs to be awakened teehee

Yesssss im so glad you read it dcisjncedjindecinwdijwdcnijcen it so GOOD!!! (Also I literally went insane when I read it XD)

A reason I’m so obsessed with TNV is how Leo is characterized. I’m sure I’ve said it before, but I LOVE crazy/insane characters Idk what it is about them but they always peak my interest. And the way @/sugarpasteltmnt writes Leo’s madness just feels so real!!! Insane characters + unreliable narrator (especially if it’s the insane character) = NCSDJHDSCNDJSJCN#NJISCDNDC I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!!! The misunderstandings of the brothers is also written so incredibly well. Again, it just feels so real. Their theories of who Neon Void is, their greif, their reactions to the taunts, etc. is all so realistic dfhuncfeuhncefihncufehneuhfcn

Oh and I also want to mention this fic made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. That does not happen with me!!! Especially with a fic????? Unheard of. (Specifically it was the Highschool TV show chapter)

Another thing I really like is how Donnie is written!!! I don’t even know what specifically about it, it’s just perfect!!!

Yeah I know what you mean!! The greif is written incredibly well, and though I haven’t experienced a loss like that, it definitely seems like a valid and (like I’ve said above) realistic way for each of them to react. I think it definitely does give me a better grasp on how some people grieve as well!

Hmmmm more of my favorite moments and aspects let’s seeeeeee

OKAY WELL THE WHOLE SPACE ODDITY SCENE MAKES ME WANNA SOB AND DIE OF EXCITEMENT AT THE SAME TIME. ESPECIALLY, IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY SEEN IT, LOOK AT THIS ANIMATIC BY @bowandbrush!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS PHENOMENAL!!!! I think a (small) part of this is I’ve realized when a song I know and like is referenced in a fic it makes me go “edcjhefncihednchdiencsidjncdeijnjicedniscdjnds”

The 2012 reference with the whole rap makes me EXPLODE (ESPECIALLY DUM DUM LEOS PART NEDCIJNCDEEIJDNCIJEDCNJIDENC STOP BEUNG SO MEAN TO YOURSELF BUD)

Literally every scene with Leo is so cinimatic I can’t ndeicndwuchsdnuhnd

Whenever Leo is talking with his brothers and feels their Ninpo and such is so heartwarming and tragic

Oh! I really like the detail of him HATING that Cassandra is like “a part of the family” because it makes sense (SHE WAS IN THE FOOT CLAN, FROM LEOS PERSPECTIVE WHY WOULD THEY TRUST HER!!?!?!)

The chapter when Mikey rips off his arm is fantastic (I really like Leo’s reaction!!!)

I’m trying to remember all these scenes rn but I think that’s all I’ll say for now

If this invokes the ramble inside of you, you know I’d love to hear it!!!!!

[jeonqkooks]

isn't it romantic? | myg (prologue)

⟶ SERIES MASTERPOST

Many things in life have a polar opposite: left and right, night and day, yin and yang, you and Min Yoongi... Hopeless romantic meets gloomy cynic. The only thing you seem to share is a magazine column but even then, you still can’t seem to understand how Yoongi can be called ‘The Love Doctor’ when he is the antithesis of everything love represents. 

pairing: yoongi x f!reader; past taehyung x f!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni)

genre/warnings: coworkers to lovers, fluff, angst, eventual smut; crying, central themes of cheating, that's pretty much it for the prologue

word count: 777

note: the yoongi brainrot is real y'all. he's really wreaking havoc on my life and forcing me to drop everything to focus on him when i have no much other shit to write 😩 but anyhow, this is exciting !! my first yoongi fic aaaa !! please show her some love y'all cuz this may or may not be a deeply personal story to me 💕 i wanted to say more but i forgot just as i sat down to write this a/n lmao. ANYWAY, massive thanks to @daechwitatamic and @luaspersona for beta'ing this for me on such short notice (and jo for telling that there's stuff in here that i should go to jail for bc that's always the best thing to hear 😌) y'all are awesome and i love you <3 and @jeonwiixard for being hurt by this 😚

— as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

You are 7, and life is good, as life should be for all children.

You have two parents who adore you, and a sister with whom you constantly bicker but that’s okay, because it’s how siblings love each other. You have constellations hanging from your bedroom ceiling, someone to read your bedtime stories every night, hot meals on the table every day. Every summer, your family takes a trip somewhere beautiful and a week feels like forever when it's just the four of you together, surrounded with only warmth and laughter. You don’t know any other way to live life.

Love is abundant, because that’s what love is supposed to be.

You are 7, and you don’t know how to accept that everything can be different in just a blink of an eye.

When your father comes back from a business trip, the first thing you do is dig through his bag in search of his phone, to look for that video game that you don’t understand but love playing so much. What you find instead, is a picture he took with a strange woman, on a beach somewhere, wearing straw hats and tacky shirts and bright smiles. You show it to your mother, and life forever changes.

Children can be nosy sometimes. It’s inherent to being kids.

You don't know what it means. It's just a picture. You just want your game.

You are 7, and how is a child supposed to react when their world is turned upside down?

No one reads you bedtime stories anymore. Your mother rarely goes out of her room. Your sister has to grow into an adult when she herself is still a teenager, to take care of you, to make sure that you’re fed and clothed and have all of your books when you go to school.

You don’t know that people can be sad even as they’re smiling and laughing. People can be sad even as they’re telling you that they aren’t, and that everything is just fine. People can be sad even when they’re happy.

Your mother doesn’t have that same light in her anymore. You can’t tell if she’s just tired, or if there’s something else bothering her, a secret gnawing at the back of her mind that she doesn’t let you in on.

Answers to simple questions like “When is dad coming home?” used to be “In an hour,” or “He’ll be back to read to you before bed.” Now, she answers you with tears in her eyes before she turns away, and you have yet to discover that words have the power to hurt, and hearts are things that can break even when they're healthy and beating.

Your sister learns to be more careful with her words because she knows things that you don’t, things that you’re too young to understand. She knows of burdens that you have yet to bear but will inevitably have to.

You are 7, and your parents aren’t holding up the sky anymore. Occasional late nights at the office turned into a constant absence at the dinner table. Laughter has since dulled into taut silence that never relents, only stretches on and on and on, until it forces you to adapt to the absence of joy in your home.

If someone were to ask you what envy was, you wouldn’t be able to tell them the definition, but you can describe to them what it’s like. It’s a foreign concept, yet so familiar at the same time. Before, you used to feel envious when you see another kid holding a cooler toy or wearing a prettier dress. Now, you’re envious when the other children at school have parents waiting to take them home after a long day. You don’t want your sister to be the only one who shows up. You want love to be abundant again.

You are 7, and you haven’t yet learned how to hold back tears. You miss your father because he rarely comes home anymore. When he does, your parents would argue. Yell at each other. Sob until screams turn into hiccups. Slam doors. You cry because the house feels like it’s going to collapse. 

You still remember the picture on your dad’s phone, or at least, you remember the color of the water. It was blue, like the color of the sky on a beautiful sunny day. Blue, like the cover of your favorite fairy tale, splattered with golden sparkles. Blue, like the walls of your parents’ bedroom. Blue, like the feeling that no child should experience. Blue, because that’s all you have to remember your stolen childhood by.

You are 7.

— all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 24.04.2023]

[blocksruinedme]

you’re mARRIED WITH A KID??? i guess i should expect that bc all types of people are on tumblr but i forget sometimes . does ur spouse know about ur blog? ur kid??

Yup, I have a spouse and a kid! I decided I didn’t want to do some announcement post, and I’d casually mention it on tumblr until someone commented. Thanks!

My spouse absolutely knows about my blog, has beta read fic, listens to me go on and on and on about blorbos, teases me lovingly (and cleverly).

My number one, absolutely NUMBER ONE piece of relationship advice is ***ONLY be with people who you don’t have to hide anything from***, who will accept you, even if they aren’t themselves into it.

In my fandom studies, I read about the fandom pioneers, married women, mostly mothers, who were out there making smutty Kirk/Spock zines, going to cons, and hiding EVERYTHING from the husbands they were sure would divorce them. I get sad about this at least monthly.

If you can choose who you are with/marry, there’s no reason to live like that! Hiding anything is setting yourself up for a lack of true intimacy and understanding. That’s not long term happiness, that’s not knowing you can have support for *anything*. You, tumblr users, deserve to not hide yourselves in love.

I’ve had a lot of relationships, good and bad (I’m polyamorous which means a lot of options), and this is it. This is number one. BE PERCEIVED AND LOVED. 

As for my kid, they can’t even see in color yet, just born this summer. 

I have thought about how I’ll handle fandom with them. Who knows what fandom I’ll be in when this comes up, but generally there’s some things I won’t have any issue sharing, like my cute stream clips. I think I’ll make sure to have some very appropriate kids writing for when we get to “your parent writes for fun”. Because kids know about R rated movies, and we’ll have media we watch that isn’t kid approved and we’ll explain why, I suspect I can make things work with “some writing isn’t for kids” until some age. There’s even “oh is it like romance novels” before it gets to the weird stuff.

Once they get older, it depends who they are, y’know? I have noooooo intent to show my kids *some* of my stuff ever. However, if we get to, like, “I’m 25 and we have a really healthy and somehow appropriate relationship talking about sex and I want to see it”, well, it’s not like I’m ashamed of what I write? But this is an issue for the 2040s, get there when we get there. 

God it’s so fricking great to have a baby! It’s been a long complicated process that started too many years ago. Calling them "Fin" online, cause I went with an ocean theme for all the baby stuff <3

Neurodivergent queer polyamorous smutty slutty freaks can have kids. People sometimes get this idea that only people who fit a certain type can have kids - and that sucks, cause I want more people like me to have kids (if they want to and are able to.) Kids are expensive, but you don't need to be pinterest perfect to be a good parent.

(PS: Infertility sucks, and I know a lot of you are still teens yourself, but if one of you, or someone you're close to, needs the infertility welcome packet, I am always happy to give someone a run down. Now, in five years, whatever. I really want to help people if I can - and I know a lot. Just give me some contact method if you send an ask. It can be really terrible and isolating. Or send them to the infertility reddit, much of reddit sucks but this places is incredibly well managed.)

[evansbby]

GIRLIE GIRLIE GIRLIE LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN. I HAVE AN IDEA FOR A REQUEST.

[Its also 03:57AM and I’m crying my eyes out, so I might regret this when I woke up lolllll]

Hear me out, hear me out, hear me out. See the visionnnnn. So, this is my request:

Sugar daddy!Ari AU. This is a little after the reader becomes his girlfriend. The reader hasn’t really gotten it into her head that she’s not just his sugar baby, but she’s his love, so she tends to hide her feelings and pain and raw emotions from him because she wants to sort of keep up the image of her being his sexy personal nymphomaniac because she thinks he’ll leave if she’s real with him.

So let’s say, something happened. Maybe an argument with her terrible family or her shitty friends gossip about her or she’s burnt out from taking care of others or someone shames her for something, idk, you’re the author, you decide what happens, but anyways.

Something happens that made her extremely sad and miserable, but she’s trying to hide her feelings from Ari, she pretends everything is fine (it’s not lol), she’s acting a little weird cos she’s trying to keep up appearances so that he won’t dismiss and discard her, etc. But Ari, being her daddy and the smart motherfucker he is, knows that something is wrong with his precious girl.

So basically, shit goes down with her and Ari and he soft doms her (maybe a little hard dom too) and comforts her and reassures her that she’s his girl and not just a plaything and all that lovey dovey shit. Oh, and aftercare lol! Only if you want to.

This probably could’ve been said in fewer words, but I’m crying my eyes out and it’s a little cathartic to type this out lol, sorryyyy. Thank youuuu! Love your writing!

Oh I would love to read this 😭😭😭

But you see I’m insane so I need to make it more sad so if I were to write this…

I’d make it so that reader is very insecure and she thinks she’s not good enough to be Ari’s girlfriend (kind of along the lines of what you said) and she thinks she’s only good enough for sex bc she has zero feelings of self worth 🤧🤧🤧 and no matter what Ari says or does to reassure her and uplift her, she just doesn’t believe him😔😔

And she keeps pushing herself away from him, bc she thinks he deserves better bc he’s such a nice guy and it’s not a normal sugar daddy relationship bc Ari doesn’t even expect sex from her (although they do have great amazing perfect sex) but Ari just loves talking to her all night, getting to know her interests, buying her special gifts that match her interests… And reader is overwhelmed bc she’s sooo insecure and she thinks she doesn’t deserve this happiness. She’s scared of letting herself be happy in case Ari “wakes up” one day and realises he can do better and leaves her🥲 (he wouldn’t but she thinks he will).

So then one day she gets so overwhelmed that she breaks up with him impulsively. But we all know what a strong mature wise perfect daddy Ari is, so he’d be like “let’s talk this out” and she bursts into tears and tells him that he deserves better and that she’s broken and she needs to go away so he can start living his life instead of always worrying about her 🥲🥲🥲 and Ari tells her that he’s in love with her and he couldn’t live without her and then they have sex 🥺🥺🥺 where Ari is being a soft dom and sooo perfect and sexy and reader needed this bc she needs him to tell her what to do so she can relax and stop worrying. Her mind never turns off during the day and she’s wracked with insecurities and fear, but with Ari… he lets her mind go blank so she doesn’t need to think, and she feels okay.

But then she’s up all night and Ari is asleep and she watches him and all her insecurities come back and she thinks that he deserves better and he can’t spend his whole life with her as a burden just bc she’s so insecure all the time 🥲🥲

So she leaves… without a note or a phone call or anything. In fact, she moves far away to live with a distant relative and deletes her social media. Ari calls her and texts her every single day, begging her to pick up or come back etc and she changes her phone number 🥲🥲🥲 some of her friends tell her that Ari is miserable and he’s still looking for her and waiting for her but she hopes he will move on soon.

Anyways then reader starts working on herself, she gets a job in an industry she likes and she makes some new friends. She starts seeing a therapist and slowly, bit by bit, her confidence starts to grow. She realises she deserves love as much as anyone else does. And she misses Ari so much bc he really was the love of her life 🥹🥹 it’s been a whole year now and one day she decides she wants to see him again. She wants to try again and hopefully he’d be open to getting back together with her.

She shows up at his door with Chinese takeaway (their favourite meal they’d have together) and Ari answers the door and he’s shocked to see her. And she says she thinks she’s all whole again, she thinks she’s fixed and she’d like to give it a try with him once more. And she got food 🍲

But then she looks beyond his shoulder and sees another girl. And Chinese takeaway already on the table. He’s moved on. She’s heartbroken. But she smiles and tells him she’s happy for him. He tries to stop her but she leaves.

THE END 😭😭😭😭

[thegreatpapaya666]

vent post

tw: self harm, suicide, abusive parents

hiya, sorry guys, but I’m prolly not gonna be active for a while. I almost attempted suicide a few days ago, and starting to self harm again sounds really good right now. Which is super upsetting because I’ve been clean for a while, but now I’m in a really bad place again. my parents are being assholes (like usual) and I’m not allowed to have like any electronics for the next while for absolutely no plausible reason at all. My mom said it’s because I’m not mature because I don’t follow her directions as much as I should, and she thinks I’m always “challenging her authority.” But I probably have autism (we’re waiting for the ados results) and following directions is hard for me, and she has absolutely no empathy for her child with a mental disability? and tumblr was already a secret from my parents, but now that they’ve taken my computer away, I can’t be on tumblr as much, if at all. I’m writing this from my dads ipad im sneaking behind his back. they took my art supplies, school chromebook (I’m not allowed to do homework), a couple books I’ve been reading, and my personal computer. plus the only app I’m allowed to have on my phone that doesn’t come with it is Spotify, cuz I have a bark phone (it’s a parental control thingy for 8 year olds). I also am not allowed to leave my room unless it’s to use the bathroom or eat. I almost attempted suicide on Friday because I snuck out of my house to go sit on the curb of my really busy street. I even have suicide notes written for all my friends, my girlfriend, and my little sister. I got in really big trouble and my parents are really pissed at me for it. they also might make me stop going to therapy bc my therapist doesn’t like them. If anyone has any suggestions for things I can do to occupy my time or ways to feel better, I’d love to hear it. I’m really sad and lonely and scared and I just wanna hang out with my friends and be a normal teenager. I had the third overstimulation meltdown of the day about an hour ago, and my mom yelled at me until I was screaming cause the world was just too loud and bright and horrible. thank you sm for reading and again, if you have any ideas for me to make my life a little better, I’d appreciate it so so so much. stay safe y’all <3

[miseryoforpheus]

intro post <3

Hey there!

Im Jamie and my pronouns are They/She/he

Im a neurospicy minor (but I will swear and also am fine being moots with/talking to adults as long as no one is a creep to me it’s all good)

Uhhh welcome to my online diary :|

Happy to make friends if u want - feel free to DM me

online diary blog w lots of Neil Gaiman reblogs bc he’s my idol

Fun facts about me:

Umm ok (trying to think of fun facts now)

Im Italian but grew up in England, would love some more Italian moots <3

my favourite authors are Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett (but it’s been like that since before I read good omens lmao) also Rick Riordan and Alice Oseman

certified gravity falls child

if u couldn’t tell by the URL I’m obsessed with Greek and Roman mythology

nostalgic for a time I wasn’t even alive - late 80s and early 90s mainly but also like 70s

nostalgic for a time I WAS alive (barely but it still counts bc I do remember it) - the late 2000s

I did a quiz to see what Beatles band member I’d be and got Paul Mcartney

damn u rlly don’t realise how boring u r till u try and do an about me huh

Music I like:

Hozier, Olivia Rodrigo, Conan Gray, Harry Styles, YUNGBLUD, Beatles, Elton John, Queen, Renée Rapp, TV girl, bears in trees, Ricky Montgomery, NOAHFINNCE, MARINA, Fleetwood Mac

getting into:

Nirvana [used to love them a few years ago but then a mean girl made fun of me for it so I stopped listening to them but I’m starting again]

Dominic Fike Paramore

mother mother

MCR

the neighbourhood

The tags I will use:

Jamie answers asks - u guessed it this is for answering any asks

the most boring soap opera - my life stuff because my life is the most boring soap opera

MOTD - mood of the day which is just a lil thing I do

for the record:

I stand with Palestine 🇵🇸

please click here every day:

also free Ukraine 🇺🇦

aro and ace people are LGBTQ+ and this is an aro and ace and aroace safe blog

in general this is a COMPLETELY safe space

if u want anyone to talk to btw I’m always here to chat, can’t guarantee i’ll be able to help but I am always willing to listen literally any time we don’t even have to be moots or anything just DM me ok? Ily all take care of yourselves ok loves? <3

Also one last thing just for ppl that know me, I have no problem with u following this blog or anything but be warned that I’m not gonna filter my opinion at all on here bc I need a place to be myself and if u don’t want to see that i understand and idm just pls don’t take it as a personal attack or anything if u ever think something I post relates to you, I promise it’s not I just need to vent <3

My MOTD ratings:

0-2 > feeling really really really shitty

3-4 > shitty like I have too much sadness and anger and everything inside me and it feels horrible and yeah yk [reckless behaviour is strong here for me + pretty strong intrusive thoughts]

5 > normal. Numb. Yucky. Normal level of intrusive thoughts [for me at least, everyone is different]

6-7 > smol happy, probably was a bad day that got better

7-8 > :D

9-10 > fucking ecstatic